John: Hey dad, would you rather eat your own boogers for a week, or someone else’s for a day?
Miki: Umm, neither.
Pircsi: You have to pick one, it’s a would you rather question.
Miki: Ok, then my own for a week.
John: Good. Me too because that’s what I do.

John: How big is Algonquin Park?
Pircsi: It's massive, the part we see is not even a third of it.
John: What, that's crazy.
Pircsi: It's 7,653 square kilometers.
John: Wow! Where are the good restaurants?

Nikki: Ahh!
Johnny: What?
Nikki: Nothing, nothing. Just saw something disturbing. Finish your story.
Johnny: So that button is where Auntie Pearl's emergency brake is! ...What did you see?
Nikki: Oh! Just roadkill..
Johnny: What kind of roadkill?
Nikki: Oh it was weird... I don't really wanna disturb you too -- ok it was a deer's head. Just the head, nothing else.
Johnny: A deer's head?? Wow. I wonder how it got there.
Nikki: I dunno. Maybe it got hit by a car and the head fell off?
Johnny: [in a British accent] 'e was wearin' a helmet but 'is 'ead come off!'

[ Origin of what he was quoting can be found here: https://youtu.be/vc82cy7ImRY ]

Pircsi: Who is Papo? Do we love him?
Johnny: Yes. Do you have amnesia?

Pearl: Where's the tv turner on-er? I mean .. remote! That’s the word... oh my god my computer has a laptop!

[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.

Pearl: The wind blew hunger into me

Curtis: Next season of Santa Clarita Diet will probably be in April
Pearl: Dammit. I can’t wait till September
Curtis: What? Why?
Pearl: Because it’s closer to April

(After popping a balloon)
Pircsi: You’re killing them
Miklos: No, I’m murdering them

[Pircsi playing a board game with Johnny, he keeps rolling the dice onto his pieces knocking them out of place]
Pircsi: you’re never going to win if you keep doing that
Johnny: I’m going to win because I’m cheating

*After listening to voicemail from parents*
Curtis: I'd better call them back now, seems important
Pearl: Why, what did they say?
Curtis: "Please call us back, it's important"

Jessica: He's a man of many few words... Many few?
Pearl: And she's not even 1/4 of the way through her wine yet.

Pearl: Netflix has movies

Pearl: Did you say praise the lord?
Jess: ....? No
Pearl: What did you say?
Jess: Train's still going

(Backing out of a driveway onto a highway)
Pearl: What am I gonna hit?
*Curtis looks around briefly and sees nothing*
Pearl: The road, Jack!

Pearl: What's Icelandic for GPS?
Curtis: What does GPS even stand for in English?
Pearl: (after some thought) General Purpose Stuff?

Curtis: Why did No Frills take their sign down?
Pearl: Because they have frills now

Pearl: Would it look weird if I stuck my nose in your exhaust pipe?

Pearl: I'm lost. Well not really lost - I know where we are and I know where we need to be, I just can't connect the two

Pearl: First we need to get off on Victoria... poor Victoria