#821 · Nov 18
Miklos: Brett and Curtis play this game called Civilization
John: I think everyone plays that
#820 · Nov 18
Miklos: [about a notification] It's just your grandma liking something on Instagram
John: Which grandma?
Miklos: Grand Mamó
John: Grandma Moe?!
#813 · Oct 8
[overheard conversation after swim class]
Phil: do you know [so and so] from YouTube?
John: No, I don't watch YouTube
Phil: why not???
John: My parents don't let me.
Phil: Bruh.....
#810 · Sep 29
Nikki: We realized there are different geographical kinds of recorders
Curtis: I'll bet in one country it's Three Blind Mice and in another it's Hot Cross Buns
Nikki: Might not even be about mice or buns. Probably about sausage or a rooster in Hungary
Nikki: "2 fat sausage.. 2 fat sausage.. running the government! Running the government!"
#808 · Sep 20
Nikki: They mowed the ditch [across the street]. Poor butterflies and bees. I hope they were done doing whatever they were doing.
Miklos: Like, living?
#806 · Sep 8
John: Wow, so that guy [King Charles] will be on our coins now?
#802 · Aug 24
John: You know what I call the outhouse in my head?
Miklos: What?
John: The s-h-badword shop.
Miklos: Ok but do you say s-h-badword in your head or do you actually say the bad word?
John: I say the bad word because who's going to stop me?
#801 · Aug 23
John: Hey dad, would you rather eat your own boogers for a week, or someone else’s for a day?
Miki: Umm, neither.
Pircsi: You have to pick one, it’s a would you rather question.
Miki: Ok, then my own for a week.
John: Good. Me too because that’s what I do.
#800 · Aug 23
John: How big is Algonquin Park?
Pircsi: It's massive, the part we see is not even a third of it.
John: What, that's crazy.
Pircsi: It's 7,653 square kilometers.
John: Wow! Where are the good restaurants?
#796 · Aug 5
Miklos: [going through a Python training course] "In this module here you will learn how to build a tic tac toe game to play with the computer. So it's pretty much an AI type game, a basic one. But I bet you cannot win in that one."
Brett: Sigh
Miklos: what a statement... am I not coding this?
Miklos: I can clearly code it to lose.
Brett: Nope
Brett: It's Python
Brett: You don't code anything
Miklos: oh
Brett: You keep importing until a result is achieved
#788 · Jul 1
Miklos: He had grey hair already back then??
Nikki: We all get old, Miki. Just because you're never gonna go grey doesn't mean you're not already bald.
#787 · Jun 17
[while eating a cheeseburger]
John: See, I knew it was McDonald's cheese you were putting in my lunch sandwiches, Mom.
Nikki: Processed cheese? Yeah.
John: I'm not going to call it processed cheese. It sounds too important. I'm going to call it McDonald's cheese.
#784 · Jun 5
John: Dad, wouldn't it be an awesome Sci Fi book, where somebody puts invisible spray on themselves and they touch a mirror and they fall through the mirror because their reflection is blocking them when they're not invisible but it's not blocking them when they are invisible?
#783 · May 23
Miklos: When I was little [in Hungary] our neighbour came over and I offered her some of my cream of wheat, but then she slowly kept eating it until she finished it all.
John: [patting Miklos' shoulder] That's OK dad, you have bigger problems now.
#782 · May 11
John: What did the cheese husband say to his cheese kid about his cheese wife?
John: Cheese just the best.
#780 · Mar 27
John: Mamo snores loud! It's like turkeys screaming.
#779 · Mar 27
Miklos: [as he walked up behind John] Sorry, did I scare you?
John: Yeah, you walked up to me really loud. I was like "oh god, what's _he_ got?"
#777 · Mar 16
John: [moving closer to Miklos] I want to watch you do Wordle.
Miklos: Why?
John: Because it's satisfying to watch you lose.
#776 · Feb 27
Miklos: I use big words at work sometimes.
John: Why?
Miklos: I like to think it makes me sound smarter.
John: Well I am just flabbergasted.
#775 · Jan 28
[watching Wheel of Fortune, one of the contestant's name is Gary]
Miklos: Wow, a young guy named Gary.
John: Yeah, I always think of Garys as old grumpy men with less fingers than they need.
#774 · Jan 27
[John talking, Miklos not paying attention]
Miklos: Sorry, I was just thinking about the dashboard. It's a work of art.
John: Why is it a work of art?
Miklos: Because it tells people a lot of information in a simple way.
John: [examining the monitor] Oh.. but where's the power button? [shuts monitor off]
Miklos: So you're just gonna turn the monitor off?
John: Yeah I don't care.
#773 · Jan 26
Johnny: Yeah, moms are good for a lot of things. They're like multi-tool pocket knives.
#771 · Dec 30, 2021
Nikki: Oh what's that? In that tree!
Johnny: they're buds!
Nikki: No, they're fruit! What kind of tree is that?
Miklos: a partridge
Nikki: a partridge is a bird
Miklos: well what's the opposite of that?
Nikki: the opposite of a partridge?? There isn't an opposite of a bird. I think you're thinking of a pear tree.
Miklos: No, what's the tree version of a partridge?
#766 · Nov 28, 2021
Johnny: I just had an enjoyable moment. You wanna know what it was? My burp tasted like meatloaf.
#765 · Nov 8, 2021
[on snacking on Timbits for free while working at Tim Hortons]
Johnny: It was borrowing without asking, forever -- until you dropped it in the loo.
#764 · Nov 6, 2021
Miklos: Holy, that tablet is slow.
Johnny: Yes, but it's ok I've gotten used to being patient.
Mamo: It's because it's full of games. You should delete some of them. And maybe also clear some points or money or whatever.
Miklos: Cache? [Spells it out.]
Mamo: I guess? Whatever? What is that?
Johnny: It's stored things on your device, Mamo.
#763 · Oct 20, 2021
Nikki: Do you think she has a brain?
Miklos: Well, something's gotta be making her heart beat...
#762 · Oct 18, 2021
Nikki: Ahh!
Johnny: What?
Nikki: Nothing, nothing. Just saw something disturbing. Finish your story.
Johnny: So that button is where Auntie Pearl's emergency brake is! ...What did you see?
Nikki: Oh! Just roadkill..
Johnny: What kind of roadkill?
Nikki: Oh it was weird... I don't really wanna disturb you too -- ok it was a deer's head. Just the head, nothing else.
Johnny: A deer's head?? Wow. I wonder how it got there.
Nikki: I dunno. Maybe it got hit by a car and the head fell off?
Johnny: [in a British accent] 'e was wearin' a helmet but 'is 'ead come off!'

[ Origin of what he was quoting can be found here: https://youtu.be/vc82cy7ImRY ]
#761 · Oct 16, 2021
[Driving past a lit-up retirement home at night]
Nikki: All the old fucks --- er, folks... are up.
#760 · Oct 11, 2021
Johnny: I totally forgot that we were in this human universe.
#759 · Oct 1, 2021
Nikki: You should be in marketing. You're clever and very funny. You'd make some good commercials.
Johnny: [holding floss tightly and smiling into the mirror with a Transylvanian accent] Buy a finger trap today, on Vampire.ca!
#758 · Oct 1, 2021
Johnny: I'm a pretty smart kid. Like, I know the word "phenomenal". And I use catchphrases like, "what's the 4-1-1?"
#757 · Sep 19, 2021
Johnny: Farts are the opposite of two things: Not farting, and burping. Those are the fart opposites.
#756 · Sep 18, 2021
Pircsi: Who is Papo? Do we love him?
Johnny: Yes. Do you have amnesia?
#755 · Sep 16, 2021
Nikki: Maybe you should learn the languages of the places you go to.
Miklos: I don't need to because they're learning mine.
Nikki: That's a very American statement.
#754 · Aug 29, 2021
Nikki: Uh what the.... Please tell me this is water.
Johnny: It's water!
Nikki: Do you know that for a fact?
Johnny: You only told me to say that...
#753 · Aug 6, 2021
Johnny: Did you hear that tap on the car roof just now? *imitates the sound*
Nikki: No I didn't. It might have been a bird though.
Johnny: Nah. More like a bird S.H.-bad word.
Nikki: Hahahaha. Why did you choose to say it that way instead of bird poo?
Johnny: Because it's funnier.
#752 · Jul 30, 2021
Nikki: This ice cream is still cold all the way at the bottom.
Johnny: Get used to it, kid. Life is cold. Freezing cold.
#751 · May 27, 2021
[An excerpt from John's virtual school today]
Teacher: Class, if you guys could go back in time, where would you go? You don't have to know the exact time or place, just something you're interested in. Where would you time travel to if you could go anywhere at all? John, let's start with you. Where would you go?
Johnny: 1996. Toonie factory.
#750 · May 21, 2021
Nikki: What are these bumps on your arm?
Johnny: It's not gonna be a problem.
Nikki: What if a flying ant laid eggs in your arm and they're going to live in there now?
Johnny: [Shrugs] Meh. Then I'll be the Father Ant.
#749 · May 15, 2021
Johnny: Dad, Mark [our neighbour] is funny. When I was talking to him today, the second time I said "guess what"... he said "you got your pilot's license?" ... Isn't that funny, Dad? Haha... That's how he responded.
#748 · May 14, 2021
[The night a barn on Miller Rd. in Port Colborne burned down]
Johnny: I wonder how many years old that barn was.
Nikki: Quite.
Johnny: So it was quite years old?
#746 · Apr 27, 2021
[Miklos cuffed John's jeans because they were a bit too long]
John: What. Now I look like Santa.
Miklos: No, no... This is a style. [shows him photos on the internet]
John: I'm fixing them. You took a perfectly good pair of jeans and made them look ridiculous.
#745 · Apr 10, 2021
Miklos: If each month is 4 weeks long, how many months is 5 weeks?
Johnny: A month and a quarter.
Miklos: How do you know?
Johnny: Because I know that 4+1 is 5.
Miklos: Yeah, but I mean...
Johnny: Ugh, I don't feel like explaining.
#744 · Apr 3, 2021
Dominic: How do you think the world was created?
Johnny: Two giant asteroids smashed together...
Dominic: Actually, it was God.
Johnny: Well, I'm not going to say your idea is bad. They're both just ideas, nobody really knows what happened.
#743 · Apr 3, 2021
Miklos: shhh....
Johnny: Sorry, but you're going to have to deal with it. I'm drawing on a balloon with a Sharpie, it's going to be squeaky.
#742 · Mar 23, 2021
[Miklos wrote some poems]
asparagus pee
so pungent to my nostrils
I cannot stand it
------------------------------
trimmed my beard today
a splinter in my finger
from a stray chin hair
------------------------------
thanks to John's comics
I sit here and write Haikus
on a Monday night
#741 · Mar 20, 2021
[Watching Canada's Worst Driver, appalled at all of the mistakes the drivers are making, he finally gets fed up and softly exclaims]
Johnny: i-bad-words.
#740 · Mar 9, 2021
Laurie: I wish I could bottle up the feeling of Friday at 5:00 PM!
#739 · Feb 28, 2021
Johnny: Dad, imagine I invented a saying?
Miklos: A saying?
Johnny: Yeah.. like... "The toaster never talks."