#863 · Feb 22
Curtis H: My brain resets every time I get a year older, it's quite an inconvenience.
#862 · Feb 18
John: Celebrity Jeopardy is like college basketball to basketball.
#861 · Jan 19
Miklos: Do you think if we were listening to something like Joel Plaskett, we'd be driving differently?
John: Yeah
Miklos: So you're saying the type of music we listen to influences our driving? [Listening to dance music]
John: Definitely, given that you're doing 100 in a whiteout.
#860 · Jan 19
John: Do you know what my favourite question is at a restaurant? "How do you like your steak?"
#859 · Nov 10, 2023
[Taking money out of an ATM]
John: Ooh! It's warm!
Miklos: Hmmm.. I wonder why it's warm. It's not like it was just made. *smiles* A bit concerning, isn't it?
Miklos: Feels good though!
John: Feeling good makes you concerned?
#857 · Oct 30, 2023
[driving around downtown]
Miklos: ok we still have a few minutes to kill before I have to drop you off at school. Wanna do donuts in the No Frills parking lot?
John: you can't do donuts in a front wheel drive car
Miklos: I'll find a way
John: let's not
[a few minutes later]
Miklos: Okay, I'll just turn around up there and we'll head to school
John: turn around where?
Miklos: I'll turn around a few times... up there in the No Frills parking lot.
John: dad...
#854 · Sep 23, 2023
John: [mimicking the compass] North, East, South, West.. Never Eat Soggy Waffles.
Miklos: [at the same time as John saying "soggy waffles"] Shredded Wheat...
John: What? What is shredded wheat?
Miklos: A cereal brand from the old days. Not as popular now I suppose.
John: Who'd name a cereal "shredded wheat"?
#853 · Jul 22, 2023
Miklos: John, can you turn the light off?
John: Sorry, my answers are limited. You have to ask the right question.
#852 · Jul 18, 2023
John: Dad, I love you. I know when you say something dumb you're just expressing yourself.
#849 · Jul 13, 2023
Charlotte: It's "National French Fry Day".
Miklos: How come they get a day? And it's Thursday...
Charlotte: Wait, what did you think I said?
#848 · Jul 10, 2023
[finding him huddled into a tree]
Miklos: Whatcha doin'?
John: Surviving on two bars of internet.
#847 · Jul 8, 2023
John: I like Ford Broncos
Nikki: they're great for when you're running from the police
John: [mutters] for murdering your wife
#846 · Jul 1, 2023
John: The brain you are messaging is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep
#844 · Jun 22, 2023
John: What do you call taking photos while diving?
John: Photoswimthesis
#843 · Jun 11, 2023
Miklos: I need to fix the horn. My anger has no voice.
#841 · Jun 11, 2023
[after Dad agreed to set up a tent in the backyard]
John: Oh man I feel like I just drank 7 coffees I'm so energized.
#840 · Jun 9, 2023
Papo: [reading Facebook clickbait] These two people apparently had the most beautiful baby in the world. How do they know that? Of the billions of people born in the world. How do you know some baby born in a tent in New Zealand isn't more beautiful?
#839 · Jun 8, 2023
John: I find it weird when parents name their kids childish names. Like "Starlight" for example. They're going to grow up with that name. What if they become a businessman or businesswoman and they'll be like "Starlight K. Osborne" or whatever. It's so weird.
#838 · Jun 5, 2023
John: When they say, 'the average person', are they just following around the most normal person for his whole life and watching what he does? "This is the most normal person we can find, and now we're going to see what happens to him and write about it for his whole life".
#837 · Jun 5, 2023
[Jan 5, 2023]
John: I had a dream that was so complicated it would take me 2 hours to explain it, so I'm not even going to.
#836 · Jun 5, 2023
John: Never close the door to someone else's life; only open the window to your own future.
#829 · Feb 20, 2023
[out of the blue]
John: Dad, if you were crazy, would you make yourself the only symmetrical thing in the world?
#826 · Dec 31, 2022
[At Sushi Paradise while eating]
John: I like this Noir Jazz they're playing.
#825 · Dec 30, 2022
John: Want a million dollars for ten dollars? Come to Shady's Moolah n More. Think of all the possibilities: pay off your home, donate to charity...
#824 · Dec 21, 2022
[An old joke worth saving]

A sheep farmer is tending his flock when a city slicker rolls up in his BMW, hops out and asks, "Hey, if I tell you exactly how many sheep you have, can I take one?" The farmer nods, so the city slicker opens his laptop, calls up some satellite photos, runs some algorithms, and announces, "You have 1,432 sheep."

Impressed, the farmer says, "You're right. Go ahead and take one." So the city slicker loads one of the animals into the backseat of the car. "Now," says the farmer, "I'll bet all my sheep against your car that I can tell you what you do for a living."

A gaming sort, the city slicker says, "Sure."

"You're a consultant," says the farmer.

"Wow!" says the consultant. "How'd you know?"

"Well," says the farmer, "you come from nowhere even though I never asked you to. You drive a flash car, and wear a smart suit. You told me something I already knew. And you don't know anything about my business. Now give me back my dog."
#821 · Nov 18, 2022
Miklos: Brett and Curtis play this game called Civilization
John: I think everyone plays that
#820 · Nov 18, 2022
Miklos: [about a notification] It's just your grandma liking something on Instagram
John: Which grandma?
Miklos: Grand Mamó
John: Grandma Moe?!
#813 · Oct 8, 2022
[overheard conversation after swim class]
Phil: do you know [so and so] from YouTube?
John: No, I don't watch YouTube
Phil: why not???
John: My parents don't let me.
Phil: Bruh.....
#810 · Sep 29, 2022
Nikki: We realized there are different geographical kinds of recorders
Curtis: I'll bet in one country it's Three Blind Mice and in another it's Hot Cross Buns
Nikki: Might not even be about mice or buns. Probably about sausage or a rooster in Hungary
Nikki: "2 fat sausage.. 2 fat sausage.. running the government! Running the government!"
#808 · Sep 20, 2022
Nikki: They mowed the ditch [across the street]. Poor butterflies and bees. I hope they were done doing whatever they were doing.
Miklos: Like, living?
#806 · Sep 8, 2022
John: Wow, so that guy [King Charles] will be on our coins now?
#802 · Aug 24, 2022
John: You know what I call the outhouse in my head?
Miklos: What?
John: The s-h-badword shop.
Miklos: Ok but do you say s-h-badword in your head or do you actually say the bad word?
John: I say the bad word because who's going to stop me?
#801 · Aug 23, 2022
John: Hey dad, would you rather eat your own boogers for a week, or someone else’s for a day?
Miki: Umm, neither.
Pircsi: You have to pick one, it’s a would you rather question.
Miki: Ok, then my own for a week.
John: Good. Me too because that’s what I do.
#800 · Aug 23, 2022
John: How big is Algonquin Park?
Pircsi: It's massive, the part we see is not even a third of it.
John: What, that's crazy.
Pircsi: It's 7,653 square kilometers.
John: Wow! Where are the good restaurants?
#796 · Aug 5, 2022
Miklos: [going through a Python training course] "In this module here you will learn how to build a tic tac toe game to play with the computer. So it's pretty much an AI type game, a basic one. But I bet you cannot win in that one."
Brett: Sigh
Miklos: what a statement... am I not coding this?
Miklos: I can clearly code it to lose.
Brett: Nope
Brett: It's Python
Brett: You don't code anything
Miklos: oh
Brett: You keep importing until a result is achieved
#788 · Jul 1, 2022
Miklos: He had grey hair already back then??
Nikki: We all get old, Miki. Just because you're never gonna go grey doesn't mean you're not already bald.
#787 · Jun 17, 2022
[while eating a cheeseburger]
John: See, I knew it was McDonald's cheese you were putting in my lunch sandwiches, Mom.
Nikki: Processed cheese? Yeah.
John: I'm not going to call it processed cheese. It sounds too important. I'm going to call it McDonald's cheese.
#784 · Jun 5, 2022
John: Dad, wouldn't it be an awesome Sci Fi book, where somebody puts invisible spray on themselves and they touch a mirror and they fall through the mirror because their reflection is blocking them when they're not invisible but it's not blocking them when they are invisible?
#783 · May 23, 2022
Miklos: When I was little [in Hungary] our neighbour came over and I offered her some of my cream of wheat, but then she slowly kept eating it until she finished it all.
John: [patting Miklos' shoulder] That's OK dad, you have bigger problems now.
#782 · May 11, 2022
John: What did the cheese man say to his cheese kids about his cheese wife?
John: Cheese just the best.
#780 · Mar 27, 2022
John: Mamo snores loud! It's like turkeys screaming.
#779 · Mar 27, 2022
Miklos: [as he walked up behind John] Sorry, did I scare you?
John: Yeah, you walked up to me really loud. I was like "oh god, what's _he_ got?"
#777 · Mar 16, 2022
John: [moving closer to Miklos] I want to watch you do Wordle.
Miklos: Why?
John: Because it's satisfying to watch you lose.
#776 · Feb 27, 2022
Miklos: I use big words at work sometimes.
John: Why?
Miklos: I like to think it makes me sound smarter.
John: Well I am just flabbergasted.
#775 · Jan 28, 2022
[watching Wheel of Fortune, one of the contestant's name is Gary]
Miklos: Wow, a young guy named Gary.
John: Yeah, I always think of Garys as old grumpy men with less fingers than they need.
#774 · Jan 27, 2022
[John talking, Miklos not paying attention]
Miklos: Sorry, I was just thinking about the dashboard. It's a work of art.
John: Why is it a work of art?
Miklos: Because it tells people a lot of information in a simple way.
John: [examining the monitor] Oh.. but where's the power button? [shuts monitor off]
Miklos: So you're just gonna turn the monitor off?
John: Yeah I don't care.
#773 · Jan 26, 2022
Johnny: Yeah, moms are good for a lot of things. They're like multi-tool pocket knives.
#771 · Dec 30, 2021
Nikki: Oh what's that? In that tree!
Johnny: they're buds!
Nikki: No, they're fruit! What kind of tree is that?
Miklos: a partridge
Nikki: a partridge is a bird
Miklos: well what's the opposite of that?
Nikki: the opposite of a partridge?? There isn't an opposite of a bird. I think you're thinking of a pear tree.
Miklos: No, what's the tree version of a partridge?
#766 · Nov 28, 2021
Johnny: I just had an enjoyable moment. You wanna know what it was? My burp tasted like meatloaf.
#765 · Nov 8, 2021
[on snacking on Timbits for free while working at Tim Hortons]
Johnny: It was borrowing without asking, forever -- until you dropped it in the loo.