#714 · 2d
[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.
#713 · 2d
Johnny: Why do people eat the eyeballs of fish?
Miklos: Do you think people actually do that?
Johnny: Yes, because this world is crazy. [mumbles] It's a terrible place. I bet Jupiter is better.
#712 · 2d
Miklos: "not nonsense" is just "sense" because the two negatives, not and non, cancel each other out so you're just left with "sense".
Johnny: Does _not_ make sense.
#711 · 4d
Johnny: Do we have any decaf in this house yet?
#710 · Sep 21
[playing with Miklos' Jabra headset]
Johnny: Wow. This doesn't even smell like sound. It smells like work. [puts it down]
#709 · Sep 19
[after coming in from a nice bonfire in the backyard]
Johnny: That was terrible.
Miklos: What was?
Johnny: When you're a six-year-old and you're outside in the dark after your bedtime, it's a terrible nightmare.
#708 · Sep 9
Johnny: [after the first day of grade 1] Dad, grade 1 is awesome. I wish I had a band so I could sing "grade 1 is awesome, grade 1 is awesoooomeee" you know with all the drums and the rock and roll guitars?
#707 · Sep 8
[Sitting in a Shoppers parking lot waiting for Nikki, John sitting beside me in the passenger seat eating a cheeseburger, complaining about the sun in his eyes]
Miklos: Here, we can drape mom's sweater over the visor and pull it off to the side. There we go. Better?
Johnny: [singing] You are the wind beneath my wings.
#706 · Sep 5
Miklos: Maybe I'll add nice little icons on the top nav [of this site].
Nikki: Leave it alone. Are you going through a mid-life crisis?
#705 · Sep 5
Johnny: [going on about his cactus] Lil Cacty does NOT need protection from me. He has his own protection, with his prickles. But when it comes to the porcupines... [shaking his head in disdain for at least 10 seconds maintaining full eye contact] when it comes to the porcupines, the fire lizard has to come out and shoot poison at the porcupine's face so that it runs away from Lil Cacty.
#704 · Aug 28
Alex: Sooo, in theory it should work
[Siri: I'm sorry I didn't get that]
Alex: I didn't say "Hey Siri" I said "In Theory!"
#703 · Aug 27
Miklos: Ppfttt everyone always has their phone
Curtis: Why did it take you a whole 11 minutes to say that?
Miklos: I didn't have my phone with me
#702 · Aug 27
Nikki: We need to actually vacuum soon since Rosie [our robot vacuum] quit.
John: Yeah. We need to replace her with a new one. I'm not saying that we're going to replace a family member, but I AM saying we have to take a family member to the junkyard, and then replace her with a new family member.
#701 · Aug 25
[during lunch]
Johnny: Two of the greatest, most magnificent things for eating are your hands and your mouth.
Nikki: A fork is good too.
#700 · Aug 24
[Every night I whistle him the same song when he goes to bed. Today I decided to change some of the notes in the song. He listened for a while then interrupted]
Johnny: Dad, without any effects please!
#699 · Aug 24
Nikki: Look, John. It's a caterpillar! A big one.
Johnny: [hands on hips, talking to the caterpillar] I would be happy to be at your service as a caterpillar owner.
#698 · Aug 21
[While playing Minecraft on the Switch]
Miklos: Why is this controller pulling me to the left when I'm not even doing anything?
Johnny: Because I spilled water on it once and made it malfunction. It's pretty much useless now.
#697 · Aug 21
Johnny: How was the first caveman created? Tell me that. Maybe a dinosaur had an unusual egg and there was a caveman in it.
#696 · Aug 18
Johnny: [from the backseat of the car, looking out the window] Imagine being a cloud? Going wherever the wind blows...
Miklos: [looking over at Nikki] That's pretty poetic for a six-year-old, no?
#695 · Aug 11
Nikki: ...Johnny, I mean John
Miklos: hey, on dagh.net I still write Johnny because that's what all of your quotes are under.
Johnny: that's fine, but when I grow up, when I'm like 15 or 16, I want you guys to call me John Extreme, because I really like that name.
#694 · Aug 10
Miklos: [trying to remember how to play a theme song on the piano] Ah man I forget how this goes.
Johnny: Don't you have the theme song instructions? [sheet music]
#693 · Aug 10
[After Miklos worked up a hefty sneeze]
Johnny: Dad, it's cool that you only have a serious-sounding sneeze.
#692 · Jun 29
Johnny: Dad, who invented the alphabet?
Miklos: George Alpha...bate
Johnny: Huh. Joe Alphabate must be his son
#691 · Jul 14
Johnny: What's that from?
Miklos: A movie called Forrest Gump
Johnny: [pause] Is that a movie about a guy pooping in the woods?
Miklos: I said Gump, not dump
#690 · May 26
[Opens the door to the office holding John]
Miklos: I found this, it won't turn off
#689 · Jul 29
Johnny: Onesay Possanskay. The world's greatest BMX biker. Born in China, moved to Canada when he grew up.
#688 · Aug 8
[Playing Minecraft]
Miklos: Ok John go to Settings, then turn on "Show coordinates"
Nikki: [half listening] What? Choke hornets?
#687 · Aug 6
Miklos: Hey look, the hummingbird is having dinner with us.
Nikki: Uh-huh, trying to distract us from the fact that you're eating 13-month expired Sriracha sauce?
#686 · Aug 6
[Miklos joins the meeting with Jabra speaker phone instead of headset by accident. Window is open, neighbour is loud with a leaf blower]
Brett: Are you shaving?
Miklos: [realizing what's going on] ... the question is, WHAT, am I shaving?
Brett: Judging by the sound of it, EVERYTHING.
#685 · Aug 4
Johnny: Mom, Google how volcanoes are formed.
[Nikki does so]
Johnny: Hm. Not very interesting. Did you know I've almost never made a perfect snowball?
#684 · Aug 4
Johnny: [playing Minecraft] Ugh, granite... the DIRT of the mine.
#683 · Aug 4
Johnny: [looking at a farm field with square hay bales] I like life when it's Minecrafty.
#682 · Aug 4
Johnny: [on the can] Love you!
Miklos: [from the living room] You talking to me or your poo?
Johnny: You, of course. I already gave my poo some bad treatment by flushing it down to its permanent jail cell.
#681 · Aug 4
Johnny: Every week we catch a little baby catfish.
Papo: A little big catfish?
Johnny: No, I said a little baby catfish. Why would anyone say little big catfish? You'd have to be drunk or d-bad word to say that.
#680 · Dec 6, 2019
Johnny: Ooh. I have brain freeze. But not a bad brain freeze. A happy one.
Nikki: What's the difference?
Johnny: A bad brain freeze PUNCHES your brain! ['Punching his forehead' motion] A happy one HUGS your brain. [Smiles sweetly]
#679 · Nov 14, 2019
Johnny: Dad, teach me programming.
Miklos: I'll teach you when you're a bit older. Right now it would probably be pretty boring for you.
Johnny: No! It would be exciting! Nothing in my life is boring, except for Fabricland.
#678 · Oct 26, 2019
Miklos: You're a smart guy. You know what I am?
Johnny: A destroyed man.
#677 · Oct 24, 2019
[after his first guitar lesson]
Johnny: I was nervous at first because I didn't expect it would be that fun. But as soon as I saw my music teacher I smiled up.
Miklos: Smiled up? What does that mean?
Johnny: It means that the good feeling punches down the nervous feeling and it lives happily ever after.
#676 · Oct 21, 2019
Miklos: So John, what's up? How's life?
Johnny: Huh? Why do you say how's life? It's AMAZING! What do you think it is? Fried chicken?
#675 · Oct 19, 2019
[After hearing the 50th Conservative radio ad today]
Nikki: Wow, I sure hope if Scheer wins on Monday that I'll have loads of money falling out of my pockets.
Johnny: What do you mean?
Nikki: Oh, the party with the blue election signs says if we vote for them they're putting money in our pocket.
Johnny: I highly doubt it.
#674 · Oct 12, 2019
Miklos: John, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Johnny: I don't know.
Miklos: What about a transparent wall technician?
Johnny: What does that even mean?
Miklos: A window washer.
Johnny: Nope. I do not want to be anything like that.
#673 · Sep 21, 2019
Johnny: I'm really fast on my bike. Sometimes I let go of my breath but I never give up.
#672 · Sep 1, 2019
Johnny: Don't make me do boring stuff. I like doing cute stuff.
Miklos: Boring stuff. Like what?
Johnny: Like talking too much, or bringing in your iced coffee, or making you have to stop being on your phone all the time. That's it.
Miklos: And what about the cute stuff?
Johnny: That's like doing things I like... or like when mommy sings me a song.
#671 · Aug 29, 2019
Johnny: Don't look at me like that.
Nikki: Like what?
Johnny: Like an egg salad sandwich.
#670 · Jul 30, 2019
[While driving on the highway; a tow truck worker pulls over and gets out of his car to walk up to a police car pulled over ahead of him]
Johnny: Somehow a tow truck driver pulled over a policeman!
#669 · Jul 17, 2019
Johnny: How do you make that salad dressing?
Nikki: I don't know, I kind of just put whatever ingredients I like in and hope for the best.
Johnny: Yeah! You can do that. You don't have to follow a recipe. You can make your own! Nobody will call the cops. The cops don't mind! The government's not going to stop you! The government runs the world but they won't tell you what to put in your salad dressing!
#668 · Jun 14, 2019
Sanyi: If you walk like a duck, the duck will quack.
#666 · May 6, 2019
Miklos: I'll be flying through those clouds soon. Eh John? When you're flying in a plane sometimes you're even above the clouds. You look down and you can see them. I'll take a picture and send it for you to see.
[Johnny smacks his head]
Johnny: Oh my gosh, that's so weird I think I'm gonna throw up. That's bizarre.
#665 · Apr 30, 2019
Alex: Omg I just realized I have my underwear on backwards. No wonder why it felt really uncomfortable on the elliptical this morning.
#664 · Apr 25, 2019
Johnny: Some people’s ears wobble.
Nikki: Wobble? What do you mean?
Johnny: Did I go to a funeral once? I’m guessing I did. At the funeral there was an old lady and her ears wobbled.