#757 · Sep 19
Johnny: Farts are the opposite of two things: Not farting, and burping. Those are the fart opposites.
#756 · Sep 18
Pircsi: Who is Papo? Do we love him?
Johnny: Yes. Do you have amnesia?
#755 · Sep 16
Nikki: Maybe you should learn the languages of the places you go to.
Miklos: I don't need to because they're learning mine.
Nikki: That's a very American statement.
#754 · Aug 29
Nikki: Uh what the.... Please tell me this is water.
Johnny: It's water!
Nikki: Do you know that for a fact?
Johnny: You only told me to say that...
#753 · Aug 6
Johnny: Did you hear that tap on the car roof just now? *imitates the sound*
Nikki: No I didn't. It might have been a bird though.
Johnny: Nah. More like a bird S.H.-bad word.
Nikki: Hahahaha. Why did you choose to say it that way instead of bird poo?
Johnny: Because it's funnier.
#752 · Jul 30
Nikki: This ice cream is still cold all the way at the bottom.
Johnny: Get used to it, kid. Life is cold. Freezing cold.
#751 · May 27
[An excerpt from John's virtual school today]
Teacher: Class, if you guys could go back in time, where would you go? You don't have to know the exact time or place, just something you're interested in. Where would you time travel to if you could go anywhere at all? John, let's start with you. Where would you go?
Johnny: 1996. Toonie factory.
#750 · May 21
Nikki: What are these bumps on your arm?
Johnny: It's not gonna be a problem.
Nikki: What if a flying ant laid eggs in your arm and they're going to live in there now?
Johnny: [Shrugs] Meh. Then I'll be the Father Ant.
#749 · May 15
Johnny: Dad, Mark [our neighbour] is funny. When I was talking to him today, the second time I said "guess what"... he said "you got your pilot's license?" ... Isn't that funny, Dad? Haha... That's how he responded.
#748 · May 14
[The night a barn on Miller Rd. in Port Colborne burned down]
Johnny: I wonder how many years old that barn was.
Nikki: Quite.
Johnny: So it was quite years old?
#746 · Apr 27
[Miklos cuffed John's jeans because they were a bit too long]
John: What. Now I look like Santa.
Miklos: No, no... This is a style. [shows him photos on the internet]
John: I'm fixing them. You took a perfectly good pair of jeans and made them look ridiculous.
#745 · Apr 10
Miklos: If each month is 4 weeks long, how many months is 5 weeks?
Johnny: A month and a quarter.
Miklos: How do you know?
Johnny: Because I know that 4+1 is 5.
Miklos: Yeah, but I mean...
Johnny: Ugh, I don't feel like explaining.
#744 · Apr 3
Dominic: How do you think the world was created?
Johnny: Two giant asteroids smashed together...
Dominic: Actually, it was God.
Johnny: Well, I'm not going to say your idea is bad. They're both just ideas, nobody really knows what happened.
#743 · Apr 3
Miklos: shhh....
Johnny: Sorry, but you're going to have to deal with it. I'm drawing on a balloon with a Sharpie, it's going to be squeaky.
#742 · Mar 23
[Miklos wrote some poems]
asparagus pee
so pungent to my nostrils
I cannot stand it
------------------------------
trimmed my beard today
a splinter in my finger
from a stray chin hair
------------------------------
thanks to John's comics
I sit here and write Haikus
on a Monday night
#741 · Mar 20
[Watching Canada's Worst Driver, appalled at all of the mistakes the drivers are making, he finally gets fed up and softly exclaims]
Johnny: i-bad-words.
#740 · Mar 9
Laurie: I wish I could bottle up the feeling of Friday at 5:00 PM!
#739 · Feb 28
Johnny: Dad, imagine I invented a saying?
Miklos: A saying?
Johnny: Yeah.. like... "The toaster never talks."
#738 · Feb 15
Nikki: My character looks like Harry Potter.
Johnny: Haha. She really does.
Nikki: Do you know who Harry Potter is?
Johnny: Yes! I've read Harry Potter.
Nikki: What? When?
Johnny: At school! I've read a bunch of them.
Nikki: Really??
Johnny: No wait, maybe I'm thinking of Scooby Doo.
#737 · Feb 10
Johnny: Who are you guys talking about?
Miklos: Prince.
Johnny: Who's that?
Nikki: Prince was one of the greatest musicians of his ti--
Johnny: One question -- cat, or human?
#736 · Feb 7
Johnny: You're an apple orchard!
Miklos: Yeah? What kind of apples?
Johnny: ROTTEN APPLES!
#735 · Feb 5
Sanyi: The new "BC" is going to be "before covid".
Miklos: Calendar reset in 2020. This is year 1.
Miklos: I was born in 39 BC.
#734 · Jan 10
Johnny: Dad, do you know what blur is?
Miklos: Tell me.
Johnny: Blur is the tiny little squares that form a picture in a camera not lining up properly.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Who taught you that?
Johnny: Nobody. I'm just that smart of a 6-year-old, and yes, it is very smart for a 6-year-old.
#733 · Jan 9
Miklos: Ew. Is that garbage?
Nikki: John, did you fart?
Johnny: NO! It's this TOWN!
[Nikki rolls down window]
Johnny: [panicking] You're just letting it in, Mom!!
#732 · Jan 7
Johnny: I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean it.
Nikki: ...Yeah? Do you remember what you said?
Johnny: .....No.
Nikki: One of the most important parts of apologizing is knowing what you're apologizing for.
Johnny: I'm sorry for my poor apology, Mom. Heh. I'm apologizing for my apology.
#731 · Jan 2
Nikki: Gogo.. give it to me straight. Is Yorkshire actually made of pudding?
Goran: It really is, the rot on the southside is becoming an issue and the gravy is starting to pour out
Goran: I like how misleading the word pudding is here
Goran: Yorkshire pudding is an eggy savoury pastry thing
Goran: Black pudding is blood sausage
Goran: Pee, they call yellow pudding
Goran: Poo - you guessed it
Nikki: Hahahaha
Nikki: Pudding
#730 · Dec 31, 2020
[After waiting all night, pausing for a few seconds after the countdown with a shrug]
Johnny: Now that I think about it, I don't even care. It's just a new year. Why do people celebrate this?
#729 · Dec 25, 2020
[Reading "The Bad Guys" book #3 to John]
Miklos: Chapter Two: The Lair of Dr. Marmalade [pronouncing it marma-lad]
John: It's marma-lade!
Miklos:. How do you know that?
John: Because, there's a silent E at the end which makes the last vowel before it say its name.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Where'd you learn that?
John: In kindergarten.
#728 · Dec 18, 2020
Johnny: Dad, close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Miklos: I see you getting ready for bed.
Johnny: Tell me the truth. Do you just see black and red or do you actually see a coloured picture.
Miklos: Black and red. You?
Johnny: Same.
#727 · Dec 16, 2020
Nikki: They sent me an email apologizing for addressing me by the wrong first name. They called me 'Rosa'. I didn't even notice.
Miklos: I'm gonna call you that from now on.
Johnny: No! Call her Nikki, or Nicole, or Elizabeth, or Bacso!
Miklos: Okay I'll call her Bacso then.
Johnny: NO! That's not an option! Wait. How much of that did I say out loud??
#726 · Dec 5, 2020
Nikki: Let's order pizza tonight and eat Elf!
[Family stares]
Nikki: HA. I mean.. watch Elf. Of course.
Johnny: [eyes the elf nervously] She misspoke!!!!
#725 · Dec 3, 2020
Johnny: Mrs Smith [name changed] came to our class today.
Nikki: What does she teach?
Johnny: Art class. ... That Kidz Bop music she plays gives me a headache.
Nikki: Do you guys dance to it, or...?
Johnny: No. It's WEIRD music. When that music was playing, I was in my head thinking, "Who listens to this music?!"
[Later]
Johnny: When I told her "this music gives me a headache," she said, "You hold onto that thought."
#724 · Nov 15, 2020
[driving along Hwy 3]
Nikki: Are you speeding?
Miklos: Yeah, a bit... But still not going as fast as this guy [car passes in left lane]. I'm going 95 and he's going like 107.
Nikki: How'd you come up with that number?
Miklos: Well the rate of speed he's getting away from us and my super brain powers...
Nikki: How'd you do in school? Were you good in Math class?
Miklos: Let's put it this way. Was the grading system a percentage or a points system?
#723 · Oct 28, 2020
[In the car]
Nikki: Hey John, are you sleeping?
Johnny: No, I'm just quietly blending into the night.
[Nikki and Miklos keep talking]
Johnny: You should too. Shh!
#722 · Oct 28, 2020
[In the car]
Johnny: I've got my ghost friend sitting here beside me. [Motions as if he's reaching up to pat someone's shoulder] His name is Jordan.
Nikki: Oh good. That's an interesting name for a ghost. Makes it sound as if he was really a person once. How are you, Jordan?
Johnny: He doesn't talk.
Miklos & Nikki: ...
Johnny: He's see-through.
Miklos: Is he see-through, or is he invisible, John?
Johnny: Snack wrap.
Miklos & Nikki: ..??
Johnny: ... I don't know why I said snack wrap! What was I thinking? I heard you say "What do you want from Tim's?" I want a bagel.
#721 · Oct 23, 2020
Miklos: I just shooed a fruit fly away from my orange and apple which are sitting here on my desk and I caught myself saying "get the fuck out of here, asshole" to it.
#720 · Oct 12, 2020
[talking about an Spiny (jui.cc/xu) in Super Mario Odyssey after the Spiny kills him]
Johnny: That guy is just a tick in a shell. He's a loser.
#719 · Oct 8, 2020
Nikki: John, how hungry are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Johnny: Kraft Dinner!
#718 · Oct 6, 2020
Miklos: This bread is good toasted!
Johnny: This bread is good _when it’s_ toasted. Make sentences make sense, Dad!
#717 · Oct 3, 2020
Pearl: Where's the tv turner on-er? I mean .. remote! That’s the word... oh my god my computer has a laptop!
#716 · Oct 1, 2020
Brett: Just had something hilarious happen
Brett: I'm editing the Miracast background images to use the new room names, using the Photoshop content-aware filter to make my job a bit easier
Brett: (Instead of having to re-create each file)
Brett: And because it's text surrounded by text, I need to run it multiple times to fully eliminate the text
Brett: As it will pull random letters from the text around it, not making words, but just because it thinks there should be some there
​Brett: After the 4th or 5th round of jumbled letters and symbols, I just see
Brett: "please"
Brett: Like I'm slowly killing it
Miklos: Hahah... please. stop..
#715 · Sep 28, 2020
[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.
#714 · Sep 26, 2020
[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.
#713 · Sep 26, 2020
Johnny: Why do people eat the eyeballs of fish?
Miklos: Do you think people actually do that?
Johnny: Yes, because this world is crazy. [mumbles] It's a terrible place. I bet Jupiter is better.
#712 · Sep 26, 2020
Miklos: "not nonsense" is just "sense" because the two negatives, not and non, cancel each other out so you're just left with "sense".
Johnny: Does _not_ make sense.
#711 · Sep 24, 2020
Johnny: Do we have any decaf in this house yet?
#710 · Sep 21, 2020
[playing with Miklos' Jabra headset]
Johnny: Wow. This doesn't even smell like sound. It smells like work. [puts it down]
#709 · Sep 19, 2020
[after coming in from a nice bonfire in the backyard]
Johnny: That was terrible.
Miklos: What was?
Johnny: When you're a six-year-old and you're outside in the dark after your bedtime, it's a terrible nightmare.
#708 · Sep 9, 2020
Johnny: [after the first day of grade 1] Dad, grade 1 is awesome. I wish I had a band so I could sing "grade 1 is awesome, grade 1 is awesoooomeee" you know with all the drums and the rock and roll guitars?
#707 · Sep 8, 2020
[Sitting in a Shoppers parking lot waiting for Nikki, John sitting beside me in the passenger seat eating a cheeseburger, complaining about the sun in his eyes]
Miklos: Here, we can drape mom's sweater over the visor and pull it off to the side. There we go. Better?
Johnny: [singing] You are the wind beneath my wings.