Miklos: I think one of the best things out there is marble cheddar dipped into maple syrup. Seriously. You wanna try it?
John: Man, I hope I don’t evolve into you.

[eyeing my credit card]
John: Nice orange card. Do you mind if I memorize all the details?
Miklos: Yes, very much.

Miklos: I have so much on my mind this week. A playlist for the dinner dance, the speakers, the ticket sales, getting winter tires on my car, my brakes are failing, setting up tables at the hall and on top of all that a full time job.
John: Wow. The only things on my mind are things for my own enjoyment. Like my gaming PC, my [new PS5] controller...

[playing Skate. Notices me watching him play]
John: better lock in! Dad’a watching.

John: You know those videos that are like “my JANITOR taught me this” and it’s a spaghetti life hack…

Miklos: Congratulations! You have outgrown your asthma! This calls for a treat.
John: Yay, yes it does! Cigarettes! Bring back the asthma!
Miklos: With a vengeance…

John: YouTube in guest mode is like sleeping over at a friend’s house. It doesn’t feel safe, and it doesn’t feel like home.

John: It’s always like “rent a game” or “rent a movie”, the library barely does anything about books anymore.

John: No use arguing when you don't know what's going on.

[Got a new wifi-enabled dryer, notifications popping up on Miklos' phone]
Dryer: Cycle complete.
Dryer: Wrinkle-prevent started.
Dryer: You can remove clothes at any time.
Miklos: Sheesh, give them a voice and they go on blabbering.
John: Dad, do you want to come watch me play Fortnite?
Miklos: Sure, just let me go get these clothes out of the dryer before it blogs about what a neglectful owner I am.
John: Haha, that would be funny! Dryer subreddit…

[30 minutes before dinner]
Miklos: What are you doing with that ice cream?
John: I am going to become friends with it… then I am going to betray it and eat it.

John: [6:45am] Father, you're gonna come into my room and wake me up with your silent breath and leave? Why am I holding a pencil ? Oh wait, my fingers are numb.

[walking into the YMCA family change-room and hearing the showers running with and old and a young voice in the distance]
John: I swear to god if it’s sir nude and noodle again…

John: Ugh. I wish black olives didn't taste so strong. I'm eating a sweet sub, then BAM.. it's right there.
Nikki: You ordered black olives though.
John: Of course I did. You have to. Nothing in life is perfect.
Nikki: So you order black olives so that you don't enjoy the sub *too* much.
John: Mmhmm.
[overhears a guy asking for black olives]
Nikki: That guy knows what's up.

Nikki: Wanna go to Treasure Hunt?
John: The bikes are all folded in half there. Treasure Hunt is like legal dumpster diving

Miklos: Wanna hang your clothes? They’re in the basket.
John: Yeah… no.
Miklos: You should…
John: Yeahhhh, but no.
Miklos: Why not?
John: There’s not a chance of that happening.

[At Melina’s while eating breakfast]
[over the radio] “I want to break free…”
John: I sing this in my head at school every day.

John: Yellow Pillow Inn?? Ew.

John: You know what I just thought of? Santa is just a big elf. He can’t be human if he lives forever. He’s like the president of the elves.
John: Oh!! Elf Presidente!!!

John: Will there be soup?
Miklos: Yes..
John: Will there be SALT?