#879 · Mar 21
[At Melina’s while eating breakfast]
[over the radio] “I want to break free…”
John: I sing this in my head at school every day.
#857 · Oct 30, 2023
[driving around downtown]
Miklos: ok we still have a few minutes to kill before I have to drop you off at school. Wanna do donuts in the No Frills parking lot?
John: you can't do donuts in a front wheel drive car
Miklos: I'll find a way
John: let's not
[a few minutes later]
Miklos: Okay, I'll just turn around up there and we'll head to school
John: turn around where?
Miklos: I'll turn around a few times... up there in the No Frills parking lot.
John: dad...
#802 · Aug 24, 2022
John: You know what I call the outhouse in my head?
Miklos: What?
John: The s-h-badword shop.
Miklos: Ok but do you say s-h-badword in your head or do you actually say the bad word?
John: I say the bad word because who's going to stop me?
#762 · Oct 18, 2021
Nikki: Ahh!
Johnny: What?
Nikki: Nothing, nothing. Just saw something disturbing. Finish your story.
Johnny: So that button is where Auntie Pearl's emergency brake is! ...What did you see?
Nikki: Oh! Just roadkill..
Johnny: What kind of roadkill?
Nikki: Oh it was weird... I don't really wanna disturb you too -- ok it was a deer's head. Just the head, nothing else.
Johnny: A deer's head?? Wow. I wonder how it got there.
Nikki: I dunno. Maybe it got hit by a car and the head fell off?
Johnny: [in a British accent] 'e was wearin' a helmet but 'is 'ead come off!'

[ Origin of what he was quoting can be found here: https://youtu.be/vc82cy7ImRY ]
#725 · Dec 3, 2020
Johnny: Mrs Smith [name changed] came to our class today.
Nikki: What does she teach?
Johnny: Art class. ... That Kidz Bop music she plays gives me a headache.
Nikki: Do you guys dance to it, or...?
Johnny: No. It's WEIRD music. When that music was playing, I was in my head thinking, "Who listens to this music?!"
[Later]
Johnny: When I told her "this music gives me a headache," she said, "You hold onto that thought."
#705 · Sep 5, 2020
Johnny: [going on about his cactus] Lil Cacty does NOT need protection from me. He has his own protection, with his prickles. But when it comes to the porcupines... [shaking his head in disdain for at least 10 seconds maintaining full eye contact] when it comes to the porcupines, the fire lizard has to come out and shoot poison at the porcupine's face so that it runs away from Lil Cacty.
#666 · May 6, 2019
Miklos: I'll be flying through those clouds soon. Eh John? When you're flying in a plane sometimes you're even above the clouds. You look down and you can see them. I'll take a picture and send it for you to see.
[Johnny smacks his head]
Johnny: Oh my gosh, that's so weird I think I'm gonna throw up. That's bizarre.
#581 · Oct 18, 2015
Alex: Justin Trudeau: you may think he's shifty but everything he says is "True-deau."
Jessica: Where do you come up with this stuff?
Alex: Out of my own head.
Alex: Do you use Pillbury when you bake?
Jessica: No..
Alex: Because that's the only true dough.
#556 · Jan 23, 2015
Curtis: I have Taylor Swift looping in my head again
Alex: Just shake it off
#521 · Jul 3, 2014
Alex: I got injured today.
Alex: I got hit in the head. You know, with that elastic rope thing you use to tie things down on the truck.
Jessica: Bungee cord.
Alex: *laughs* Yeah that one.
Alex: Maybe me getting hit in the head messed up my vision.
#376 · Sep 15, 2010
LCBO cashier: Do you collect Air Miles?
Curtis: Nope
Old guy behind Curtis in line: They still haven't converted to kilometres yet eh?
#359 · Jun 18, 2010
[Boss's orders: Everyone in the store must wear name tags]
Alex: Could you hand out these name tags, I don't know who everyone is.
Head Cashier: Well, maybe you should find out then.
Alex: I'll know after they're wearing their name tags.
[Maybe she'll learn not to give Alex attitude again]
#330 · Feb 1, 2010
Nikki: hey guess what i'm using as a chair
miklos: a chair?
Nikki: that exercise ball!
miklos: oh
miklos: good for posture
Nikki: well
miklos: just needs some more air
Nikki: i'm still slouching, just a new way
Nikki: but it's comfy
miklos: i always condone innovative slouching
miklos: i'm the king of slouching at work, sometimes only my head sticks out from under the desk
miklos: people constantly comment on it
#237 · Jan 12, 2009
Curtis: i forgot to tell you the story on how when i went to buy spiderman, the cashier forgot to put my gift card through, so she had to reverse it on my m/c to charge me again, and the new price was the amount of the gift card and so i saved 10 bucks
Curtis: wanna hear it?
Alex: yes
Curtis: ok, well when i went to buy spiderman, the cashier forgot to put my gift card through, so she had to reverse it on my m/c to charge me again, and the new price was the amount of the gift card and so i saved 10 bucks
Alex: haha nice!
#231 · Dec 22, 2008
Curtis: paul said to kill time i should write a poem or short story,
Curtis: so i asked him to list 5 random things to be included, then i proceeded to write
Curtis: would you like to see the final product?
Miklos: ok
--------------------
Short story that includes: Magnesium Alloy AZ31, the Ocean, China, Canada, General Motors
Once upon a time (when else would it be?), there was an accountant who decided he wanted his life to
encompass dual careers. Half his time would be spent on accounting, while the other half would pursue
science. I mean, what accountant wouldn't have this dream? The problem was, he didn't know where to
start. Should he go to school? Should he google everything? Should he steal patented information? It was
all quite the dilemma, till one day while banging his head on his desk trying to decide...he saw the answer
right in front of him. He saw his encylopeida opened to a page about Magnesium Alloy AZ31. He had no
idea what that was, nor could he understand the jargon in the description, but there was something about
that name that seemed cool and important. He decided to take this information to his buddy in China who
happens to be one of those genius monks you find on top of mountains. The monk told him that this
information will not be found anywhere except in the encyclopedia that he possessed. The accountant
wondered how in the world he ended up with such rare information. The monk was actually unsure, but
continued to tell a story of lost treasure. Apparently, back in the day, a treasure hunter was on a secret
mission to find some undisclosed treasure. He left on this mission and never returned, but a few years later,
random scuba divers found an empty treasure chest at the bottom of Canada's Pacific Ocean. The
accountant never knew his father...could this have been him? Did he leave behind this treasure? The monk
suggested that if he left behind the encyclopedia, chances are that some magnesium alloy AZ31 was also left
behind. The accountant went home and checked his house, and sure enough he found an unusual substance
in a dusty box in his basement. He thought to himself that with how rare this is, it must be worth a fortune to someone.
He wasn't sure who to go to with this, but his first instinct led him to General Motors. Upon a
science guy there observing the MA AZ31 and its description, he was stunned. He brought it to the
attention of management and they immediately issued a bagillion dollar cheque to the accountant and shortly
afterward hired back all the bagillion people they previously laid off. The accountant never found out what
kind of wonders this thing actually brought to GM, and realized that such chain of events didn't end up
having anything to do with pursuing science, but he realized that if it weren't for banging his head on his desk
figuring out how to pursue science, he would have never ended up rich upon this fluke discovery.
--------------------
Paul: hahahaha I love it
Paul: this exceeded my expectations 10 fold!
Paul: now for the real story
Paul: So Mg AZ31 stems from primary Magnesium which is actually derived from the ocean
Paul: using a pigeon process, which, developed in Canada or the US (not sure) is quite labour intensive and so its done mainly in China
Paul: GM, wants to use Magnesium in their cars, beacuse Magnesium is quite lite and will save fuel
Paul: however, regular magnesium is flammable, so the AZ31 derivative from Magnesium is to be used because its quite stable
Paul: but your story is so much better.
Curtis: i had no idea all these items were related
Paul: yeah, I actually just thought of a single thought, and wrote down ever other word basically
Paul: I planned on telling you after you wrote your story
#188 · Apr 19, 2008
julius: am I talking over your head again?
alex: I guess so
julius: no wonder you're going bald
#102 · Aug 10, 2007
Peter: A not so tiny spider, climbed up my table's leg
Peter: Then came me, and smashed the spider's head
Peter: The spider screamed, but I don't really care,
Peter: It's my room, so it shouldn't be there