(When the opening band walked on stage during a concert)
Curtis: What's this band called?
Lyndsey: The Virgins
(Alex notices the band's appearance)
Alex: Yep, story checks out!

Alex: I think my sanity had an apocalypse. I just tried to order Wendy's at a Tim Hortons drive thru.

Curtis: There's a city in nova scotia called Musquodoboit
Curtis: I can't believe how close that is to mosquito bite
Alex: Yeah, it's like someone got bitten in the mouth, then tried to say it as they were asked "So what should we call this town?"

miklos: lose all the way
alex: I believe the term is "epic fail"
miklos: lose all the way! it's the only logical opposite of win all the way
alex: you mean epic win?

Alex: so, selling your sled for 4 grand, did you turn a profit on it?
Brian: well its tough to say, I would have to bring my folder to double check, but I'd imagine it would be a yes or no.

Miklos: Very nice watch, wear it always!
Alex: It needs less links.
Miklos: Really? Fit me good, a bit loose but that's how it should be.
Alex: It needs like 1 link gone, it looks too gangster.
Miklos: How skinny is your wrist?
Alex: 0.95em

Alex: paul just sent me a photo
Alex: he's 2 hours north of toronto
Alex: in a snow storm
Curtis: ah that sucks
Curtis: so what's the photo of?
Alex: the aforementioned subject
Curtis: ahh

Alex: I got a huge problem (staying terribly calm)
Brian: What's up?
Alex: Umm. I got a nail clipping in my eye.
Brian: What?
Alex: Yeah.. Dude OUCH! It hurts.
Brian: Lemme See!!!! (Excited but ironic) HOLY SHIT!!!
Alex: yeah.. umm get it!
Brian: Okay. ahh.. there you go.
Alex: Ugh!! (Sigh) Much better. Man That sucked! Look how big it was!
Brian: Yeah... EW!!

Waitress: What would you like to drink?
Curtis: Iced Tea.
Alex: Uhh, I'll have a Coke.
Waitress: Did you say vodka and Coke?

Alex: If I was videotaped, it wouldn't be a documentary. It would be an instructional video for the rest of mankind.

Curtis: do you really not know who sarah palin is?
Curtis: i assumed you were joking but you never know
Alex: i only know everyone referencing her
Alex: i mean it's an easy google research
Alex: i just never bothered to
Curtis: well
Curtis: she woulda been VP of US if the other guy won
Alex: oh
Alex: thats definitely not what i had in mind
Alex: all this time i thought it was some deaf actress
Alex: hahaha
Curtis: that's marlee matlin
baxo: i see that now
Curtis: you got the lin right

Alex: Brian, you wanna go to Japan today?
Brian: Sure
Alex: We can just ride the waves!
Brian: hahah you're bad
Alex: Too soon?
Brian: You're probably going to hell for that!
Alex: Too Soon-ami?

(While looking at a small triangular LED light)
Alex: How do they fit 3 AAA batteries into that?
Miklos: Probably ingeniously.

Mom: Alex, you're a pig!
Alex: What does that make you then?
Mom: .... Pig momma?

Dad: Steven Segal WASN'T a cop for 25 years?? Who can I trust anymore???
Alex: Not the SPIKE network!

Brian: It's almost like you have to watch that one with caps lock on.
Alex: You mean closed captioning?

Brian: (repeating a few times) You are the weakest link... goodbye
Brian: what was the name of that show anyway?
Alex: The Weakest Link

Alex: pizza and wings go together. You can't eat one without the other.
Curtis: well I usually only eat one or the other, not together.
Alex: do you also listen to 'We Will Rock You' without listening to 'We Are The Champions'?

(Eric reads an advertisement on a truck: "Maintenance by the yard")
Eric: I wonder what [they] charge by the yard. Like 5 cents or something?
Alex: Well I got a front yard and a back yard, would that be 10 cents?

Alex: then, when the theater is done.. i'm going to start on my winter project of making actual robots that play live music instruments
Teja: i think its time you start your humping project
Teja: You have already invested in your junior for almost 25 years its time for rewards now