#633 · Mar 3, 2018
Tom: Mr Maj and Gyula were coming back from Fort Erie race track and were drunk. Gyula crashed the car (into a ditch or bridge or something) when the cop came Mr Maj did the talking and said "I don't know what happened officer. Gyula, he good driver...he vas driving, then chooo chooo chooo chooo poof." No charges.
#453 · Nov 22, 2012
Tom: They've engineered these apples so the core is smaller. I can pretty much eat this entire apple.
Miklos: You should.
Tom: No, I'm not a horse.
Miklos: Horses don't eat apples. They eat sugar cubes and hay. Where do you get these apple-eating horses?
Tom: They were imported from Bulgaria.
#450 · Nov 19, 2012
Tom: You know in a year you'll see that guy and he'll have one of these [motions with hands indicating a fat lower torso area]
Nikki: The male 'gunt'?
Tom: Hah! Yes. The male gunt.
Nikki: The 'genis'?
#340 · Mar 22, 2010
Tom: i just wanna wash my cup, it's got some brown stuff in it
Miklos: is it poo?
Tom: well if it is, it's the sweetest poo i ever tasted
Miklos: oh.. you have something to compare it to?
#284 · Jul 17, 2009
Tom: Jim, I need to see you [standing right beside him, meaning he has to talk to him about something]
Matt: Well here he is.
Miklos: Yeah, there you go, you saw him...
Jim: I guess you can cross that off your list.
#158 · Nov 23, 2007
Tom: Americans celebrate Thanksgiving in November because of something to do with harvest and God or something...
Tom: Plymouth rock...
Miklos: What's Plymouth rock?
Tom: You know, Plymouth rock.. the Pilgrims.. early settlers... There were a-hundred-and-something of them and a year later it was like 60 or something, because they died...
Tom: Christopher Columbus, etc.. You know?
Tom: They were supposed to land somewhere in Georgia but they missed their course.
Miklos: And ended up in Canada?
Tom: No.. Plymouth rock.. haha.. yeah.. it's in California!
Tom: Don't you know your geography/history man?
Miklos: I wasn't born here. I just came here and started feeding off the land.
Tom: Heathen.
#107 · Aug 31, 2007
Tom: Hey Dave, You'll never guess what I'm doing this weekend.
Dave: What?
Tom: Well, I'm going to our CIO's Barbeque!
Dave: You have got to be shitting me.
Tom: No, I'm serious, I JUST found out that my wife works with his wife and that is how I got invited.
Dave: Sounds like you finally got a shot at management.
Tom: Yep, I'm going to cook him up a hot dog and maybe he'll be like "wow this guy has potential."
Dave: The only way that a person in his position will see potential in someone for a management would be if you completely screwed up. My advise is to burn the shit out of the hot dog and hand it to him... actually, you said CIO right?
Tom: heh, yeah.
Dave: Then you would get farther handing him a piece of cut up garden hose and calling that a hot dog! Now, that is management material.