(Eric reads an advertisement on a truck: "Maintenance by the yard")
Eric: I wonder what [they] charge by the yard. Like 5 cents or something?
Alex: Well I got a front yard and a back yard, would that be 10 cents?

Alex: then, when the theater is done.. i'm going to start on my winter project of making actual robots that play live music instruments
Teja: i think its time you start your humping project
Teja: You have already invested in your junior for almost 25 years its time for rewards now

Andrea: So my friend had to get her colon taken out the other day.
Alex: So what does she have now? A semi-colon?

Alex: I was at marshville demonstrating shingle making over the weekend.
Brian: Oh yeah how did it go? Was it Pop-Lar?
Alex: Yes actually, Every Shingle Time!

Alex: by the way .. Back to the future delorean is going to be at the seaway mall between 1 - 4 my brother saw it driving down niagara st haha
Mikkel: today?!
Alex: yers
Mikkel: fak off
Alex: as in 30 minutes from now i shit you not
Mikkel: god damnit
Alex: too bad i promised my buddy i'll meet him for lunch in the falls
Mikkel: hahaha i know eh
Alex: hes from brampton so i cant blow him off
Mikkel: yeah fair enough
Alex: maybe i can make it back in time to see it
Mikkel: hahahaha zing!
Alex: hahahahahah i didnt even realize what i said!

Stacey: Thanks for making me laugh, its cheering me up a bit. Got any good jokes?
Alex: I dont need jokes to generate laughter! I'm just like a laughter vending machine. Just pop in a quarter!
Stacey: In that case here's 4 quarters, whatcha got?
Alex: A dollar!

Ryan: My milkshake brings all the honey's to the yard
Cynthia: I don't know about honeys, but I heard a whole lot of boys were heading down...
Alex: Worker bees generally bring honey to my yard.
Ryan: well my milkshake took over shop!
Alex: Your milkshake sounds like another wal-mart screwing over local businesses!

Curtis: Ok, so I just got some info and instead of relaying the info, I'll turn it into a question. What will I have to do sim card wise when I get my phone?
Alex: put it in the phone

Brett: This property is like what, 15 acres?
Alex: Sixteen
Chey: How big is an acre anyway?
Alex: 1/16th of this property.

[Boss's orders: Everyone in the store must wear name tags]
Alex: Could you hand out these name tags, I don't know who everyone is.
Head Cashier: Well, maybe you should find out then.
Alex: I'll know after they're wearing their name tags.
[Maybe she'll learn not to give Alex attitude again]

Alex: i just thought of shaving like 1/5th of my left eyebrow and completing it with a tattoo of the Audi emblem and calling it Brow-di

Alex: what's that guy's deal?
Eric: I think that's a girl.
Alex: really?
Eric: Yeah, look at the hips. And sports bra.
Alex: Oh yeah! Eww, then I know what his deal is.

<Alex is showing Gareth the Audi>
Gareth: Sweet. I like the floor mats - are those stock?
Alex: Everything on this car is stock.
Gareth: Sweet.
Alex: Wait, did you say floor mats? Cuz those aren't factory.

Miklos: If Apple jumped off a bridge, would the world follow?
Goran: So long as the bridge is prettier, sleeker, but arguably less functional than comparable bridges.
Miles: And they had to pay a hefty premium toll to get onto the bridge.
Alex: And if it's a bigger bridge that has the same features as a smaller bridge and gets opened to Americans sooner than Canadians

Brian: We're here to work on tills
Boss: On tills what?
Alex: un-tillz we get them done!

Alex: wow where does time go?
Eric: by... i think

Miklos: Good news is that you get a free $60 bill from me today if you take me to a bank.
Alex: How's that gonna work out?
Miklos: Obviously there's no $60 bill...
Alex: No.. I'm thinking ahead here... $60, that's not divisible by 20.
Miklos: Umm, yes it is.. You're not thinking far enough ahead I guess!
Alex: Well I was thinking the machine will give you a 50 and that's in 20 increments.
Miklos: Umm, no it's not.
Alex: Oh shit, there's no winning here!

Brian: hey.. would you know..
Brian: if it's possible
Brian: to create a simple as can be webpage that lists all .avi's and .mp4's etc.. (anything i want to list) in a webpage and have that sit on the background of any pc. so all you have to do is double click and it launches the avi or mp4.. now it's gotta be able to refresh in case i add some movies....
Alex: why would you want a webapp for it?
Alex: why not just create a folder on the desktop with a bunch of shortcuts?
Brian: cause that's too much work. lol
Alex: and you think this wouldn't be?

Curtis: it's like raiaiiiiiiiiin on your wedding day!
Alex: a freeeeeeeeee riiiiide
Alex: but you're alllready late
Alex: a gooooddd adviceee,, that you just caan't take
Curtis: Who would've thought... it figurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrres
Alex: REAALLY?
Alex: that's the lyrics?
Curtis: looks that way
Alex: hahaha damnit
Alex: I always thought it was "Two out of 4, it's the giiirrrls"

(Directed to Alex with full knowledge that he bought a house 5 months ago and has been renovating ever since)
Brian says: ever shop at home depot?