#727 · Dec 16, 2020
Nikki: They sent me an email apologizing for addressing me by the wrong first name. They called me 'Rosa'. I didn't even notice.
Miklos: I'm gonna call you that from now on.
Johnny: No! Call her Nikki, or Nicole, or Elizabeth, or Bacso!
Miklos: Okay I'll call her Bacso then.
Johnny: NO! That's not an option! Wait. How much of that did I say out loud??
#726 · Dec 5, 2020
Nikki: Let's order pizza tonight and eat Elf!
[Family stares]
Nikki: HA. I mean.. watch Elf. Of course.
Johnny: [eyes the elf nervously] She misspoke!!!!
#725 · Dec 3, 2020
Johnny: Mrs Smith [name changed] came to our class today.
Nikki: What does she teach?
Johnny: Art class. ... That Kidz Bop music she plays gives me a headache.
Nikki: Do you guys dance to it, or...?
Johnny: No. It's WEIRD music. When that music was playing, I was in my head thinking, "Who listens to this music?!"
[Later]
Johnny: When I told her "this music gives me a headache," she said, "You hold onto that thought."
#724 · Nov 15, 2020
[driving along Hwy 3]
Nikki: Are you speeding?
Miklos: Yeah, a bit... But still not going as fast as this guy [car passes in left lane]. I'm going 95 and he's going like 107.
Nikki: How'd you come up with that number?
Miklos: Well the rate of speed he's getting away from us and my super brain powers...
Nikki: How'd you do in school? Were you good in Math class?
Miklos: Let's put it this way. Was the grading system a percentage or a points system?
#723 · Oct 28, 2020
[In the car]
Nikki: Hey John, are you sleeping?
Johnny: No, I'm just quietly blending into the night.
[Nikki and Miklos keep talking]
Johnny: You should too. Shh!
#722 · Oct 28, 2020
[In the car]
Johnny: I've got my ghost friend sitting here beside me. [Motions as if he's reaching up to pat someone's shoulder] His name is Jordan.
Nikki: Oh good. That's an interesting name for a ghost. Makes it sound as if he was really a person once. How are you, Jordan?
Johnny: He doesn't talk.
Miklos & Nikki: ...
Johnny: He's see-through.
Miklos: Is he see-through, or is he invisible, John?
Johnny: Snack wrap.
Miklos & Nikki: ..??
Johnny: ... I don't know why I said snack wrap! What was I thinking? I heard you say "What do you want from Tim's?" I want a bagel.
#721 · Oct 23, 2020
Miklos: I just shooed a fruit fly away from my orange and apple which are sitting here on my desk and I caught myself saying "get the fuck out of here, asshole" to it.
#720 · Oct 12, 2020
[talking about an Spiny (jui.cc/xu) in Super Mario Odyssey after the Spiny kills him]
Johnny: That guy is just a tick in a shell. He's a loser.
#719 · Oct 8, 2020
Nikki: John, how hungry are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Johnny: Kraft Dinner!
#718 · Oct 6, 2020
Miklos: This bread is good toasted!
Johnny: This bread is good _when it’s_ toasted. Make sentences make sense, Dad!
#717 · Oct 3, 2020
Pearl: Where's the tv turner on-er? I mean .. remote! That’s the word... oh my god my computer has a laptop!
#716 · Oct 1, 2020
Brett: Just had something hilarious happen
Brett: I'm editing the Miracast background images to use the new room names, using the Photoshop content-aware filter to make my job a bit easier
Brett: (Instead of having to re-create each file)
Brett: And because it's text surrounded by text, I need to run it multiple times to fully eliminate the text
Brett: As it will pull random letters from the text around it, not making words, but just because it thinks there should be some there
​Brett: After the 4th or 5th round of jumbled letters and symbols, I just see
Brett: "please"
Brett: Like I'm slowly killing it
Miklos: Hahah... please. stop..
#715 · Sep 28, 2020
[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.
#714 · Sep 26, 2020
[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.
#713 · Sep 26, 2020
Johnny: Why do people eat the eyeballs of fish?
Miklos: Do you think people actually do that?
Johnny: Yes, because this world is crazy. [mumbles] It's a terrible place. I bet Jupiter is better.
#712 · Sep 26, 2020
Miklos: "not nonsense" is just "sense" because the two negatives, not and non, cancel each other out so you're just left with "sense".
Johnny: Does _not_ make sense.
#711 · Sep 24, 2020
Johnny: Do we have any decaf in this house yet?
#710 · Sep 21, 2020
[playing with Miklos' Jabra headset]
Johnny: Wow. This doesn't even smell like sound. It smells like work. [puts it down]
#709 · Sep 19, 2020
[after coming in from a nice bonfire in the backyard]
Johnny: That was terrible.
Miklos: What was?
Johnny: When you're a six-year-old and you're outside in the dark after your bedtime, it's a terrible nightmare.
#708 · Sep 9, 2020
Johnny: [after the first day of grade 1] Dad, grade 1 is awesome. I wish I had a band so I could sing "grade 1 is awesome, grade 1 is awesoooomeee" you know with all the drums and the rock and roll guitars?
#707 · Sep 8, 2020
[Sitting in a Shoppers parking lot waiting for Nikki, John sitting beside me in the passenger seat eating a cheeseburger, complaining about the sun in his eyes]
Miklos: Here, we can drape mom's sweater over the visor and pull it off to the side. There we go. Better?
Johnny: [singing] You are the wind beneath my wings.
#706 · Sep 5, 2020
Miklos: Maybe I'll add nice little icons on the top nav [of this site].
Nikki: Leave it alone. Are you going through a mid-life crisis?
#705 · Sep 5, 2020
Johnny: [going on about his cactus] Lil Cacty does NOT need protection from me. He has his own protection, with his prickles. But when it comes to the porcupines... [shaking his head in disdain for at least 10 seconds maintaining full eye contact] when it comes to the porcupines, the fire lizard has to come out and shoot poison at the porcupine's face so that it runs away from Lil Cacty.
#704 · Aug 28, 2020
Alex: Sooo, in theory it should work
[Siri: I'm sorry I didn't get that]
Alex: I didn't say "Hey Siri" I said "In Theory!"
#703 · Aug 27, 2020
Miklos: Ppfttt everyone always has their phone
Curtis: Why did it take you a whole 11 minutes to say that?
Miklos: I didn't have my phone with me
#702 · Aug 27, 2020
Nikki: We need to actually vacuum soon since Rosie [our robot vacuum] quit.
John: Yeah. We need to replace her with a new one. I'm not saying that we're going to replace a family member, but I AM saying we have to take a family member to the junkyard, and then replace her with a new family member.
#701 · Aug 25, 2020
[during lunch]
Johnny: Two of the greatest, most magnificent things for eating are your hands and your mouth.
Nikki: A fork is good too.
#700 · Aug 24, 2020
[Every night I whistle him the same song when he goes to bed. Today I decided to change some of the notes in the song. He listened for a while then interrupted]
Johnny: Dad, without any effects please!
#699 · Aug 24, 2020
Nikki: Look, John. It's a caterpillar! A big one.
Johnny: [hands on hips, talking to the caterpillar] I would be happy to be at your service as a caterpillar owner.
#698 · Aug 21, 2020
[While playing Minecraft on the Switch]
Miklos: Why is this controller pulling me to the left when I'm not even doing anything?
Johnny: Because I spilled water on it once and made it malfunction. It's pretty much useless now.
#697 · Aug 21, 2020
Johnny: How was the first caveman created? Tell me that. Maybe a dinosaur had an unusual egg and there was a caveman in it.
#696 · Aug 18, 2020
Johnny: [from the backseat of the car, looking out the window] Imagine being a cloud? Going wherever the wind blows...
Miklos: [looking over at Nikki] That's pretty poetic for a six-year-old, no?
#695 · Aug 11, 2020
Nikki: ...Johnny, I mean John
Miklos: hey, on dagh.net I still write Johnny because that's what all of your quotes are under.
Johnny: that's fine, but when I grow up, when I'm like 15 or 16, I want you guys to call me John Extreme, because I really like that name.
#694 · Aug 10, 2020
Miklos: [trying to remember how to play a theme song on the piano] Ah man I forget how this goes.
Johnny: Don't you have the theme song instructions? [sheet music]
#693 · Aug 10, 2020
[After Miklos worked up a hefty sneeze]
Johnny: Dad, it's cool that you only have a serious-sounding sneeze.
#692 · Jun 29, 2020
Johnny: Dad, who invented the alphabet?
Miklos: George Alpha...bate
Johnny: Huh. Joe Alphabate must be his son
#691 · Jul 14, 2020
Johnny: What's that from?
Miklos: A movie called Forrest Gump
Johnny: [pause] Is that a movie about a guy pooping in the woods?
Miklos: I said Gump, not dump
#690 · May 26, 2020
[Opens the door to the office holding John]
Miklos: I found this, it won't turn off
#689 · Jul 29, 2020
Johnny: Onesay Possanskay. The world's greatest BMX biker. Born in China, moved to Canada when he grew up.
#688 · Aug 8, 2020
[Playing Minecraft]
Miklos: Ok John go to Settings, then turn on "Show coordinates"
Nikki: [half listening] What? Choke hornets?
#687 · Aug 6, 2020
Miklos: Hey look, the hummingbird is having dinner with us.
Nikki: Uh-huh, trying to distract us from the fact that you're eating 13-month expired Sriracha sauce?
#686 · Aug 6, 2020
[Miklos joins the meeting with Jabra speaker phone instead of headset by accident. Window is open, neighbour is loud with a leaf blower]
Brett: Are you shaving?
Miklos: [realizing what's going on] ... the question is, WHAT, am I shaving?
Brett: Judging by the sound of it, EVERYTHING.
#685 · Aug 4, 2020
Johnny: Mom, Google how volcanoes are formed.
[Nikki does so]
Johnny: Hm. Not very interesting. Did you know I've almost never made a perfect snowball?
#684 · Aug 4, 2020
Johnny: [playing Minecraft] Ugh, granite... the DIRT of the mine.
#683 · Aug 4, 2020
Johnny: [looking at a farm field with square hay bales] I like life when it's Minecrafty.
#682 · Aug 4, 2020
Johnny: [on the can] Love you!
Miklos: [from the living room] You talking to me or your poo?
Johnny: You, of course. I already gave my poo some bad treatment by flushing it down to its permanent jail cell.
#681 · Aug 4, 2020
Johnny: Every week we catch a little baby catfish.
Papo: A little big catfish?
Johnny: No, I said a little baby catfish. Why would anyone say little big catfish? You'd have to be drunk or d-bad word to say that.
#680 · Dec 6, 2019
Johnny: Ooh. I have brain freeze. But not a bad brain freeze. A happy one.
Nikki: What's the difference?
Johnny: A bad brain freeze PUNCHES your brain! ['Punching his forehead' motion] A happy one HUGS your brain. [Smiles sweetly]
#679 · Nov 14, 2019
Johnny: Dad, teach me programming.
Miklos: I'll teach you when you're a bit older. Right now it would probably be pretty boring for you.
Johnny: No! It would be exciting! Nothing in my life is boring, except for Fabricland.
#678 · Oct 26, 2019
Miklos: You're a smart guy. You know what I am?
Johnny: A destroyed man.