John: Dad can you grab me some milk?
Nikki: You can get yourself some milk John. I think it’s time for you to become more self-sufficient.
John: But I am self-efficient.
Nikki: I said self-sufficient.
John: Yes, and I am being self-efficient because while I go get a book dad gets me some milk; yippee!

John: I wonder how the first form of life on Earth was created.
Nikki: By mistake.

John: Dad got me a slingshot.
Nikki: That better not be used on anything that's alive.
John: It won't. Just trees.
Nikki: Trees are alive.
John: All right. Just windows.
Nikki: ..........
John: And if that's not okay, just Dad.
Nikki: He's alive too.
John: No!

John: I like Ford Broncos
Nikki: they're great for when you're running from the police
John: [mutters] for murdering your wife

Nikki: We realized there are different geographical kinds of recorders
Curtis: I'll bet in one country it's Three Blind Mice and in another it's Hot Cross Buns
Nikki: Might not even be about mice or buns. Probably about sausage or a rooster in Hungary
Nikki: "2 fat sausage.. 2 fat sausage.. running the government! Running the government!"

Nikki: They mowed the ditch [across the street]. Poor butterflies and bees. I hope they were done doing whatever they were doing.
Miklos: Like, living?

Miklos: He had grey hair already back then??
Nikki: We all get old, Miki. Just because you're never gonna go grey doesn't mean you're not already bald.

[while eating a cheeseburger]
John: See, I knew it was McDonald's cheese you were putting in my lunch sandwiches, Mom.
Nikki: Processed cheese? Yeah.
John: I'm not going to call it processed cheese. It sounds too important. I'm going to call it McDonald's cheese.

Nikki: Oh what's that? In that tree!
Johnny: they're buds!
Nikki: No, they're fruit! What kind of tree is that?
Miklos: a partridge
Nikki: a partridge is a bird
Miklos: well what's the opposite of that?
Nikki: the opposite of a partridge?? There isn't an opposite of a bird. I think you're thinking of a pear tree.
Miklos: No, what's the tree version of a partridge?

Nikki: Do you think she has a brain?
Miklos: Well, something's gotta be making her heart beat...

Nikki: Ahh!
Johnny: What?
Nikki: Nothing, nothing. Just saw something disturbing. Finish your story.
Johnny: So that button is where Auntie Pearl's emergency brake is! ...What did you see?
Nikki: Oh! Just roadkill..
Johnny: What kind of roadkill?
Nikki: Oh it was weird... I don't really wanna disturb you too -- ok it was a deer's head. Just the head, nothing else.
Johnny: A deer's head?? Wow. I wonder how it got there.
Nikki: I dunno. Maybe it got hit by a car and the head fell off?
Johnny: [in a British accent] 'e was wearin' a helmet but 'is 'ead come off!'

[ Origin of what he was quoting can be found here: https://youtu.be/vc82cy7ImRY ]

[Driving past a lit-up retirement home at night]
Nikki: All the old fucks --- er, folks... are up.

Nikki: You should be in marketing. You're clever and very funny. You'd make some good commercials.
Johnny: [holding floss tightly and smiling into the mirror with a Transylvanian accent] Buy a finger trap today, on Vampire.ca!

Nikki: Maybe you should learn the languages of the places you go to.
Miklos: I don't need to because they're learning mine.
Nikki: That's a very American statement.

Nikki: Uh what the.... Please tell me this is water.
Johnny: It's water!
Nikki: Do you know that for a fact?
Johnny: You only told me to say that...

Johnny: Did you hear that tap on the car roof just now? *imitates the sound*
Nikki: No I didn't. It might have been a bird though.
Johnny: Nah. More like a bird S.H.-bad word.
Nikki: Hahahaha. Why did you choose to say it that way instead of bird poo?
Johnny: Because it's funnier.

Nikki: This ice cream is still cold all the way at the bottom.
Johnny: Get used to it, kid. Life is cold. Freezing cold.

Nikki: What are these bumps on your arm?
Johnny: It's not gonna be a problem.
Nikki: What if a flying ant laid eggs in your arm and they're going to live in there now?
Johnny: [Shrugs] Meh. Then I'll be the Father Ant.

[The night a barn on Miller Rd. in Port Colborne burned down]
Johnny: I wonder how many years old that barn was.
Nikki: Quite.
Johnny: So it was quite years old?

Nikki: My character looks like Harry Potter.
Johnny: Haha. She really does.
Nikki: Do you know who Harry Potter is?
Johnny: Yes! I've read Harry Potter.
Nikki: What? When?
Johnny: At school! I've read a bunch of them.
Nikki: Really??
Johnny: No wait, maybe I'm thinking of Scooby Doo.