Miklos: This bread is good toasted!
Johnny: This bread is good _when it’s_ toasted. Make sentences make sense, Dad!

[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.

[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.

Johnny: Why do people eat the eyeballs of fish?
Miklos: Do you think people actually do that?
Johnny: Yes, because this world is crazy. [mumbles] It's a terrible place. I bet Jupiter is better.

Miklos: "not nonsense" is just "sense" because the two negatives, not and non, cancel each other out so you're just left with "sense".
Johnny: Does _not_ make sense.

Johnny: Do we have any decaf in this house yet?

[playing with Miklos' Jabra headset]
Johnny: Wow. This doesn't even smell like sound. It smells like work. [puts it down]

[after coming in from a nice bonfire in the backyard]
Johnny: That was terrible.
Miklos: What was?
Johnny: When you're a six-year-old and you're outside in the dark after your bedtime, it's a terrible nightmare.

Johnny: [after the first day of grade 1] Dad, grade 1 is awesome. I wish I had a band so I could sing "grade 1 is awesome, grade 1 is awesoooomeee" you know with all the drums and the rock and roll guitars?

[Sitting in a Shoppers parking lot waiting for Nikki, John sitting beside me in the passenger seat eating a cheeseburger, complaining about the sun in his eyes]
Miklos: Here, we can drape mom's sweater over the visor and pull it off to the side. There we go. Better?
Johnny: [singing] You are the wind beneath my wings.

Johnny: [going on about his cactus] Lil Cacty does NOT need protection from me. He has his own protection, with his prickles. But when it comes to the porcupines... [shaking his head in disdain for at least 10 seconds maintaining full eye contact] when it comes to the porcupines, the fire lizard has to come out and shoot poison at the porcupine's face so that it runs away from Lil Cacty.

Nikki: We need to actually vacuum soon since Rosie [our robot vacuum] quit.
John: Yeah. We need to replace her with a new one. I'm not saying that we're going to replace a family member, but I AM saying we have to take a family member to the junkyard, and then replace her with a new family member.

[during lunch]
Johnny: Two of the greatest, most magnificent things for eating are your hands and your mouth.
Nikki: A fork is good too.

[Every night I whistle him the same song when he goes to bed. Today I decided to change some of the notes in the song. He listened for a while then interrupted]
Johnny: Dad, without any effects please!

Nikki: Look, John. It's a caterpillar! A big one.
Johnny: [hands on hips, talking to the caterpillar] I would be happy to be at your service as a caterpillar owner.

[While playing Minecraft on the Switch]
Miklos: Why is this controller pulling me to the left when I'm not even doing anything?
Johnny: Because I spilled water on it once and made it malfunction. It's pretty much useless now.

Johnny: How was the first caveman created? Tell me that. Maybe a dinosaur had an unusual egg and there was a caveman in it.

Johnny: [from the backseat of the car, looking out the window] Imagine being a cloud? Going wherever the wind blows...
Miklos: [looking over at Nikki] That's pretty poetic for a six-year-old, no?

Nikki: ...Johnny, I mean John
Miklos: hey, on dagh.net I still write Johnny because that's what all of your quotes are under.
Johnny: that's fine, but when I grow up, when I'm like 15 or 16, I want you guys to call me John Extreme, because I really like that name.

Miklos: [trying to remember how to play a theme song on the piano] Ah man I forget how this goes.
Johnny: Don't you have the theme song instructions? [sheet music]