Johnny: Dad, Mark [our neighbour] is funny. When I was talking to him today, the second time I said "guess what"... he said "you got your pilot's license?" ... Isn't that funny, Dad? Haha... That's how he responded.

[The night a barn on Miller Rd. in Port Colborne burned down]
Johnny: I wonder how many years old that barn was.
Nikki: Quite.
Johnny: So it was quite years old?

[Miklos cuffed John's jeans because they were a bit too long]
John: What. Now I look like Santa.
Miklos: No, no... This is a style. [shows him photos on the internet]
John: I'm fixing them. You took a perfectly good pair of jeans and made them look ridiculous.

Miklos: If each month is 4 weeks long, how many months is 5 weeks?
Johnny: A month and a quarter.
Miklos: How do you know?
Johnny: Because I know that 4+1 is 5.
Miklos: Yeah, but I mean...
Johnny: Ugh, I don't feel like explaining.

Dominic: How do you think the world was created?
Johnny: Two giant asteroids smashed together...
Dominic: Actually, it was God.
Johnny: Well, I'm not going to say your idea is bad. They're both just ideas, nobody really knows what happened.

Miklos: shhh....
Johnny: Sorry, but you're going to have to deal with it. I'm drawing on a balloon with a Sharpie, it's going to be squeaky.

[Miklos wrote some poems]
asparagus pee
so pungent to my nostrils
I cannot stand it
------------------------------
trimmed my beard today
a splinter in my finger
from a stray chin hair
------------------------------
thanks to John's comics
I sit here and write Haikus
on a Monday night

[Watching Canada's Worst Driver, appalled at all of the mistakes the drivers are making, he finally gets fed up and softly exclaims]
Johnny: i-bad-words.

Johnny: Dad, imagine I invented a saying?
Miklos: A saying?
Johnny: Yeah.. like... "The toaster never talks."

Nikki: My character looks like Harry Potter.
Johnny: Haha. She really does.
Nikki: Do you know who Harry Potter is?
Johnny: Yes! I've read Harry Potter.
Nikki: What? When?
Johnny: At school! I've read a bunch of them.
Nikki: Really??
Johnny: No wait, maybe I'm thinking of Scooby Doo.

Johnny: Who are you guys talking about?
Miklos: Prince.
Johnny: Who's that?
Nikki: Prince was one of the greatest musicians of his ti--
Johnny: One question -- cat, or human?

Johnny: You're an apple orchard!
Miklos: Yeah? What kind of apples?
Johnny: ROTTEN APPLES!

Johnny: Dad, do you know what blur is?
Miklos: Tell me.
Johnny: Blur is the tiny little squares that form a picture in a camera not lining up properly.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Who taught you that?
Johnny: Nobody. I'm just that smart of a 6-year-old, and yes, it is very smart for a 6-year-old.

Miklos: Ew. Is that garbage?
Nikki: John, did you fart?
Johnny: NO! It's this TOWN!
[Nikki rolls down window]
Johnny: [panicking] You're just letting it in, Mom!!

Johnny: I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean it.
Nikki: ...Yeah? Do you remember what you said?
Johnny: .....No.
Nikki: One of the most important parts of apologizing is knowing what you're apologizing for.
Johnny: I'm sorry for my poor apology, Mom. Heh. I'm apologizing for my apology.

[After waiting all night, pausing for a few seconds after the countdown with a shrug]
Johnny: Now that I think about it, I don't even care. It's just a new year. Why do people celebrate this?

[Reading "The Bad Guys" book #3 to John]
Miklos: Chapter Two: The Lair of Dr. Marmalade [pronouncing it marma-lad]
John: It's marma-lade!
Miklos:. How do you know that?
John: Because, there's a silent E at the end which makes the last vowel before it say its name.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Where'd you learn that?
John: In kindergarten.

Johnny: Dad, close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Miklos: I see you getting ready for bed.
Johnny: Tell me the truth. Do you just see black and red or do you actually see a coloured picture.
Miklos: Black and red. You?
Johnny: Same.

Nikki: They sent me an email apologizing for addressing me by the wrong first name. They called me 'Rosa'. I didn't even notice.
Miklos: I'm gonna call you that from now on.
Johnny: No! Call her Nikki, or Nicole, or Elizabeth, or Bacso!
Miklos: Okay I'll call her Bacso then.
Johnny: NO! That's not an option! Wait. How much of that did I say out loud??

Nikki: Let's order pizza tonight and eat Elf!
[Family stares]
Nikki: HA. I mean.. watch Elf. Of course.
Johnny: [eyes the elf nervously] She misspoke!!!!