Johnny: Dad, imagine I invented a saying?
Miklos: A saying?
Johnny: Yeah.. like... "The toaster never talks."

Nikki: My character looks like Harry Potter.
Johnny: Haha. She really does.
Nikki: Do you know who Harry Potter is?
Johnny: Yes! I've read Harry Potter.
Nikki: What? When?
Johnny: At school! I've read a bunch of them.
Nikki: Really??
Johnny: No wait, maybe I'm thinking of Scooby Doo.

Johnny: Who are you guys talking about?
Miklos: Prince.
Johnny: Who's that?
Nikki: Prince was one of the greatest musicians of his ti--
Johnny: One question -- cat, or human?

Johnny: You're an apple orchard!
Miklos: Yeah? What kind of apples?
Johnny: ROTTEN APPLES!

Johnny: Dad, do you know what blur is?
Miklos: Tell me.
Johnny: Blur is the tiny little squares that form a picture in a camera not lining up properly.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Who taught you that?
Johnny: Nobody. I'm just that smart of a 6-year-old, and yes, it is very smart for a 6-year-old.

Miklos: Ew. Is that garbage?
Nikki: John, did you fart?
Johnny: NO! It's this TOWN!
[Nikki rolls down window]
Johnny: [panicking] You're just letting it in, Mom!!

Johnny: I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean it.
Nikki: ...Yeah? Do you remember what you said?
Johnny: .....No.
Nikki: One of the most important parts of apologizing is knowing what you're apologizing for.
Johnny: I'm sorry for my poor apology, Mom. Heh. I'm apologizing for my apology.

[After waiting all night, pausing for a few seconds after the countdown with a shrug]
Johnny: Now that I think about it, I don't even care. It's just a new year. Why do people celebrate this?

[Reading "The Bad Guys" book #3 to John]
Miklos: Chapter Two: The Lair of Dr. Marmalade [pronouncing it marma-lad]
John: It's marma-lade!
Miklos:. How do you know that?
John: Because, there's a silent E at the end which makes the last vowel before it say its name.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Where'd you learn that?
John: In kindergarten.

Johnny: Dad, close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Miklos: I see you getting ready for bed.
Johnny: Tell me the truth. Do you just see black and red or do you actually see a coloured picture.
Miklos: Black and red. You?
Johnny: Same.

Nikki: They sent me an email apologizing for addressing me by the wrong first name. They called me 'Rosa'. I didn't even notice.
Miklos: I'm gonna call you that from now on.
Johnny: No! Call her Nikki, or Nicole, or Elizabeth, or Bacso!
Miklos: Okay I'll call her Bacso then.
Johnny: NO! That's not an option! Wait. How much of that did I say out loud??

Nikki: Let's order pizza tonight and eat Elf!
[Family stares]
Nikki: HA. I mean.. watch Elf. Of course.
Johnny: [eyes the elf nervously] She misspoke!!!!

Johnny: Mrs Smith [name changed] came to our class today.
Nikki: What does she teach?
Johnny: Art class. ... That Kidz Bop music she plays gives me a headache.
Nikki: Do you guys dance to it, or...?
Johnny: No. It's WEIRD music. When that music was playing, I was in my head thinking, "Who listens to this music?!"
[Later]
Johnny: When I told her "this music gives me a headache," she said, "You hold onto that thought."

[In the car]
Nikki: Hey John, are you sleeping?
Johnny: No, I'm just quietly blending into the night.
[Nikki and Miklos keep talking]
Johnny: You should too. Shh!

[In the car]
Johnny: I've got my ghost friend sitting here beside me. [Motions as if he's reaching up to pat someone's shoulder] His name is Jordan.
Nikki: Oh good. That's an interesting name for a ghost. Makes it sound as if he was really a person once. How are you, Jordan?
Johnny: He doesn't talk.
Miklos & Nikki: ...
Johnny: He's see-through.
Miklos: Is he see-through, or is he invisible, John?
Johnny: Snack wrap.
Miklos & Nikki: ..??
Johnny: ... I don't know why I said snack wrap! What was I thinking? I heard you say "What do you want from Tim's?" I want a bagel.

[talking about an Spiny (jui.cc/xu) in Super Mario Odyssey after the Spiny kills him]
Johnny: That guy is just a tick in a shell. He's a loser.

Nikki: John, how hungry are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Johnny: Kraft Dinner!

Miklos: This bread is good toasted!
Johnny: This bread is good _when it’s_ toasted. Make sentences make sense, Dad!

[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.

[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.