Johnny: Dad, close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Miklos: I see you getting ready for bed.
Johnny: Tell me the truth. Do you just see black and red or do you actually see a coloured picture.
Miklos: Black and red. You?
Johnny: Same.

Nikki: They sent me an email apologizing for addressing me by the wrong first name. They called me 'Rosa'. I didn't even notice.
Miklos: I'm gonna call you that from now on.
Johnny: No! Call her Nikki, or Nicole, or Elizabeth, or Bacso!
Miklos: Okay I'll call her Bacso then.
Johnny: NO! That's not an option! Wait. How much of that did I say out loud??

Nikki: Let's order pizza tonight and eat Elf!
[Family stares]
Nikki: HA. I mean.. watch Elf. Of course.
Johnny: [eyes the elf nervously] She misspoke!!!!

Johnny: Mrs Smith [name changed] came to our class today.
Nikki: What does she teach?
Johnny: Art class. ... That Kidz Bop music she plays gives me a headache.
Nikki: Do you guys dance to it, or...?
Johnny: No. It's WEIRD music. When that music was playing, I was in my head thinking, "Who listens to this music?!"
[Later]
Johnny: When I told her "this music gives me a headache," she said, "You hold onto that thought."

[In the car]
Nikki: Hey John, are you sleeping?
Johnny: No, I'm just quietly blending into the night.
[Nikki and Miklos keep talking]
Johnny: You should too. Shh!

[In the car]
Johnny: I've got my ghost friend sitting here beside me. [Motions as if he's reaching up to pat someone's shoulder] His name is Jordan.
Nikki: Oh good. That's an interesting name for a ghost. Makes it sound as if he was really a person once. How are you, Jordan?
Johnny: He doesn't talk.
Miklos & Nikki: ...
Johnny: He's see-through.
Miklos: Is he see-through, or is he invisible, John?
Johnny: Snack wrap.
Miklos & Nikki: ..??
Johnny: ... I don't know why I said snack wrap! What was I thinking? I heard you say "What do you want from Tim's?" I want a bagel.

[talking about an Spiny (jui.cc/xu) in Super Mario Odyssey after the Spiny kills him]
Johnny: That guy is just a tick in a shell. He's a loser.

Nikki: John, how hungry are you on a scale of 1 to 10?
Johnny: Kraft Dinner!

Miklos: This bread is good toasted!
Johnny: This bread is good _when it’s_ toasted. Make sentences make sense, Dad!

[after receiving a stuffed animal (chipmunk) from Auntie Pearl]
John: I'm going to call him Chipper... His actual name was Drew Calzone before Auntie Pearl adopted him. He isn't scared of cats because he had a trainer that taught him not to be afraid. His trainer's name was Joe, who lives in California. After their training, the chipmunks got transferred to Algonquin Park and that's where Auntie Pearl adopted him. His sister was adopted by another family. The place where Joe trained him was turned into a McDonald's. Joe still works there. He's a manager. His wife works next door. Her name is Katie.

[driving along the backroads]
Miklos: Hey, didn't we see this guy walking his dogs on the other road earlier?
Johnny: Imagine he was just plopped into this spot when we got near him like in Minecraft?
Miklos: Yeah .. like "if player near this point, then *plop*."
Johnny: But life isn't code, dad.
Miklos: What if it is? What if there's something bigger that programmed it all and we don't even know about it?
Johnny: I mean, we could be inside a giant cat's eyeball!
[Miklos laughs]
Johnny: Because Rico's eye looks like a universe. And dad, next time don't laugh at that because it's serious.

Johnny: Why do people eat the eyeballs of fish?
Miklos: Do you think people actually do that?
Johnny: Yes, because this world is crazy. [mumbles] It's a terrible place. I bet Jupiter is better.

Miklos: "not nonsense" is just "sense" because the two negatives, not and non, cancel each other out so you're just left with "sense".
Johnny: Does _not_ make sense.

Johnny: Do we have any decaf in this house yet?

[playing with Miklos' Jabra headset]
Johnny: Wow. This doesn't even smell like sound. It smells like work. [puts it down]

[after coming in from a nice bonfire in the backyard]
Johnny: That was terrible.
Miklos: What was?
Johnny: When you're a six-year-old and you're outside in the dark after your bedtime, it's a terrible nightmare.

Johnny: [after the first day of grade 1] Dad, grade 1 is awesome. I wish I had a band so I could sing "grade 1 is awesome, grade 1 is awesoooomeee" you know with all the drums and the rock and roll guitars?

[Sitting in a Shoppers parking lot waiting for Nikki, John sitting beside me in the passenger seat eating a cheeseburger, complaining about the sun in his eyes]
Miklos: Here, we can drape mom's sweater over the visor and pull it off to the side. There we go. Better?
Johnny: [singing] You are the wind beneath my wings.

Johnny: [going on about his cactus] Lil Cacty does NOT need protection from me. He has his own protection, with his prickles. But when it comes to the porcupines... [shaking his head in disdain for at least 10 seconds maintaining full eye contact] when it comes to the porcupines, the fire lizard has to come out and shoot poison at the porcupine's face so that it runs away from Lil Cacty.

Nikki: We need to actually vacuum soon since Rosie [our robot vacuum] quit.
John: Yeah. We need to replace her with a new one. I'm not saying that we're going to replace a family member, but I AM saying we have to take a family member to the junkyard, and then replace her with a new family member.