Johnny: Dad, teach me programming.
Miklos: I'll teach you when you're a bit older. Right now it would probably be pretty boring for you.
Johnny: No! It would be exciting! Nothing in my life is boring, except for Fabricland.

Johnny: Dad, when bad people die that’s good. Because when bad people die they aren’t alive anymore.
Miklos: Oh? And why is that good?
Johnny: Because when bad people die they are dead. And they can’t do bad things anymore.
Miklos: Where did you learn this from?
Johnny: From my brain.

[driving by a funeral home]
Johnny: Dad, why is that funeral guy there?
Miklos: There is a funeral going on right now.
Johnny: A funeral? Why?
Miklos: Yes, there are funerals all the time. You know, people die every day, it’s just a part of life.
Johnny: Funerals are so embarrassing.
Miklos: Embarrassing? Why?
Johnny: Because. You just sit there. And it’s embarrassing.
Miklos: It’s not embarrassing, it’s sad.
Johnny: It’s sad and embarrassing.

Johnny: Dad, when I'm eating Nutella and breadsticks and you hit a bump, the breadstick breaks. So one day, on our way home from Mamo's, you might want to try to go slower.

Johnny: Dad, what makes my fingers move?
Miklos: Your brain
Johnny: My brain???
Miklos: Yes, it controls everything!
Johnny: Even my toes? My hands? My mouth?
Miklos: Yes, everything.
Johnny: That’s funny. Dad?
Miklos: Yes?
Johnny: What’s a brain?

[playing Mario Kart]
Johnny: Why is his name Bowser dad?
Miklos: I don’t know, why is this guy’s name Mario?
Johnny: Because! His mother named him Mario when he was a baby!

Johnny: Can you make me a real motorcycle dad?
Miklos: How do I do that?
Johnny: Just use the tools in the shed. It’ll make it easier.

Johnny: Dad is this Toyota expensive?
Miklos: Yeah it'd be expensive if you were to buy it on your own.
Johnny: Dad, you can buy it with me any time you want.

[Turning onto Vimy Rd in Port Colborne]
Johnny: Dad, this is called wiggling woods because the trees are wiggling. Trees are wood. I want to call them whistling woods but the birds don't want to listen to me.

Dad: I'm smelling my bacon because it smells good. I don't wanna eat it because I don't need it.

[dad misreading things again]
Dad: It said something about it being tabletop or something like that
Miklos: counterfeit you mean?
Dad: yeah, that's it....

Nikki: I kept having nightmares. Walt [from Breaking Bad] was my dad and he lived separately from my mom in a house that was nice during the day but terrorized by neighbour kids at night and also a mean ghost
Nikki: Ps you should ask your local english major this: is it generally assumed that all ghosts other than casper are mean ghosts thus making what I said redundant and thus the reason he is so specifically named or can ghosts have an in-between personality as well and I've read too much into this?

[referring to Steve Jobs]
Dad: You know that guy, what the hell is his name? Johnny Workman?

[After a candle salesman tried to tell my dad how to use a homemade candle at the market]
Dad: come on... I light it, then I blow it out at the end of the night.
Dad: I give you money, you give me the candle.
Dad: Let me handle this candle...

Miklos: is the pizza all done?
Dad: we're working on it. got a couple of hungry guys...
Dad: no belly bottoms...

Dad: Steven Segal WASN'T a cop for 25 years?? Who can I trust anymore???
Alex: Not the SPIKE network!

Nikki: Remember when your dad found out how to queue YouTube videos in a playlist before we did, and then he was like... "What? I'm not STUPID!"

Mr Sikora: Augh. There's something in my eye. (rubbing it)
Dad: Stop doing that! Your face is so ugly!
(moments later)
Dad: What you got in there, a dinosaur??

Dad: (upon seeing mom rolling her shorts up while standing in the water, fishing) Look at that. She's getting a nudity soon.

Dad: (to the tune of "Pretty Woman") Paparucca, walking on the lake...