Lauren: my stove just caught on fire
Lauren: i'm shaking
Curtis: well get over there, it'll warm you up

Lauren: I like my laptop
Lauren: I just hate that it doesn't work

miklos: i see, ok god
miklos: +o
curtis: no god is correct
miklos: you're right, no god is correct

Miklos: Very nice watch, wear it always!
Alex: It needs less links.
Miklos: Really? Fit me good, a bit loose but that's how it should be.
Alex: It needs like 1 link gone, it looks too gangster.
Miklos: How skinny is your wrist?
Alex: 0.95em

Alex: paul just sent me a photo
Alex: he's 2 hours north of toronto
Alex: in a snow storm
Curtis: ah that sucks
Curtis: so what's the photo of?
Alex: the aforementioned subject
Curtis: ahh

[Watching The Untouchables]
Nikki: Ahh, hugging your little girl while holding a gun. Those were the days.
Miklos: Ah, the American dream.

Lauren: hey curtis i have a question
Curtis: yes lauren
Lauren: nevermind
Lauren: i was emailing a resume
Lauren: it asked if i wanted to send them as online documents
Lauren: but then i thought what if their office doesn't have internet access
lauren: so i didn't haha
Curtis: ummmm
Lauren: you never know
Curtis: you know email is part of the internet right?
Lauren: hahaha omg
Lauren: i'm dumb

Miklos: If you told me 10 years ago that we will have a 500GB hard drive, I wouldn't have believed you.
Matt: Imagine a 500TB hard drive?
Miklos: Give it 10 years! 500TB hard drive for $79..

Bill Clinton: I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.
Barack Obama: When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.

Nikki: this dog is SLEEPY
Nikki: she does nothing all day
Nikki: the government should give her a paycheck

Nikki: Did you know that there's new evidence that penguins might've existed before dinosaurs?
Miklos: I bet you they're going to find a whole bunch of new things out. Like there never were dinosaurs. They were just... horses.
Nikki: ...Are you a Creationist?
Miklos: I'm creative

Alex: I got a huge problem (staying terribly calm)
Brian: What's up?
Alex: Umm. I got a nail clipping in my eye.
Brian: What?
Alex: Yeah.. Dude OUCH! It hurts.
Brian: Lemme See!!!! (Excited but ironic) HOLY SHIT!!!
Alex: yeah.. umm get it!
Brian: Okay. ahh.. there you go.
Alex: Ugh!! (Sigh) Much better. Man That sucked! Look how big it was!
Brian: Yeah... EW!!

miklos: I have a soft spot for timepieces.
Nikki: delicately put, yes :)

Dad: "You know that guy, what the hell is his name? Johnny Workman?" (referring to Steve Jobs)

[After a candle salesman tried to tell my dad how to use a homemade candle at the market]
Dad: come on... I light it, then I blow it out at the end of the night.
Dad: I give you money, you give me the candle.
Dad: Let me handle this candle...

Waitress: What would you like to drink?
Curtis: Iced Tea.
Alex: Uhh, I'll have a Coke.
Waitress: Did you say vodka and Coke?

Nikki: look there is a man wearing a cape with a bouquet of flowers...
Nikki: is he a judge? Yea he's a judge..
Miklos: "aw, I am so sorry I...."
Nikki: "judged you" hahahah

Alex: If I was videotaped, it wouldn't be a documentary. It would be an instructional video for the rest of mankind.

[hanging pictures on the wall]
miklos: there, now it's level
miklos: now we're cooking...cooking with diesel
Nikki: Vin Diesel? ..."Cooking With Vin Diesel"?

Nikki: oh jane if everything bothers you so much why don't you just go somewhere else..... like heaven?

[Signing onto an online site, reading security question]
Miklos: what is your childhood best friend's name?
Nikki: teeebor
Nikki: why am i so funny this morning?

Nikki: i have a bone to pick. you have to stop responding to me when you're half asleep
miklos: half asleep?
miklos: i'm fully awake!
Nikki: last night I came to bed and said "hah, the washer played me a little song!" and you said "OK.." as if I had asked you to do a chore.
miklos: hahaha
Nikki: then I said "do you even know what I just said?"
Nikki: and you said "no"
Nik : and I said "well wake up for a minute and I'll repeat it." then I repeated it and you said "oh alright"
Nikki: clearly still not understanding
Nikki: anyway, pff!
miklos: i literally laughed out loud at this
miklos: cuz
miklos: i do not remember that conversation at all
miklos: i was asleep
Nikki: your eyes were open
miklos: brain was not.
Nikki: and you were half sitting up
miklos: hrm
miklos: weird
Nikki: that needs to change!
miklos: i can't change something i'm not aware of
Nikki: yes you can
Nikki: i have hope for you

Curtis: do you really not know who sarah palin is?
Curtis: i assumed you were joking but you never know
Alex: i only know everyone referencing her
Alex: i mean it's an easy google research
Alex: i just never bothered to
Curtis: well
Curtis: she woulda been VP of US if the other guy won
Alex: oh
Alex: thats definitely not what i had in mind
Alex: all this time i thought it was some deaf actress
Alex: hahaha
Curtis: that's marlee matlin
baxo: i see that now
Curtis: you got the lin right

Nikki: look an old grocery list from last year
Miklos: whose handwriting is it written in?
Nikki: mine...
Miklos: how can you be sure?
Nikki: cuz it's not yours and I write in mine every day

Brian: I'm not concerned about money... I'm just concerned about not being able to pay for it when the time comes

pircsi: i lost the remote to my ipod dick
pircsi: dock
pircsi: not dick
pircsi: lol
kyle: u have a music playing dildo

[Nikki's alarm clock goes off for the 4th time]
Miklos: Is that the final one?
Nikki: Yep.
[pause]
Nikki: Nope...

Alex: Brian, you wanna go to Japan today?
Brian: Sure
Alex: We can just ride the waves!
Brian: hahah you're bad
Alex: Too soon?
Brian: You're probably going to hell for that!
Alex: Too Soon-ami?

(While looking at a small triangular LED light)
Alex: How do they fit 3 AAA batteries into that?
Miklos: Probably ingeniously.

Miklos: i love our humble little life
Nikki: do you even know what that word means?
Miklos: yes
Nikki: if we were humble, we'd be sleeping on dirty blankets, two dishes to eat off of which we'd probably wash without any soap - just water -, we'd each own one pair of pants, maybe three shirts to our name
Nikki: oh and we'd have a dirt floor too. less likely to have the 42" inch tv.

Mom: Alex, you're a pig!
Alex: What does that make you then?
Mom: .... Pig momma?

Miklos: is the pizza all done?
Dad: we're working on it. got a couple of hungry guys...
Dad: no belly bottoms...

Dad: Steven Segal WASN'T a cop for 25 years?? Who can I trust anymore???
Alex: Not the SPIKE network!

*while watching hockey*
Nikki: Look, it's Globe-u-lev. [Golubev] I think he has Down's Syndrome.
Miklos: No that's just a Chernobyl offspring. They don't have Down's Syndrome in Russia.
Nikki: Ahhh you just don't hear enough Chernobyl cracks these days. Thank you for being from the other side of the world.

Miklos: I need to build a cube. Wait.. I have a structure already!
Nikki: You need nanodot rehab.

[After having lasagna for lunch]
Miklos: Maybe you should take the rest of this to work tonight.
Nikki: I don't want to be eating lasagna all day.
Nikki: I feel like Garfield.
Nikki: Why does that cat like lasagna so much?

Brian: It's almost like you have to watch that one with caps lock on.
Alex: You mean closed captioning?

Brian: (repeating a few times) You are the weakest link... goodbye
Brian: what was the name of that show anyway?
Alex: The Weakest Link

Miklos: "...building your font cache..."
Nikki: farm cash??

[while making a purchase on eBay]
Nikki: Joy and happiness or my money back! I like them odds!

Alex: pizza and wings go together. You can't eat one without the other.
Curtis: well I usually only eat one or the other, not together.
Alex: do you also listen to 'We Will Rock You' without listening to 'We Are The Champions'?

miklos: I know I'm insensitive
miklos: jann arden wrote a song about me
Nikki: "Good Mother"?
Nikki: (swish)

Nikki: you got your keys?
miklos: I don't need them
Nikki: how about your YMCA card.... which doesn't look like you anymore at all
miklos: you mean i don't look like that now?
Nikki: haha no you do not have a face like a human hamburger.

miklos: I'm eating sunflower seeds
Nikki: why eat seeds when you are a nut?

(Eric reads an advertisement on a truck: "Maintenance by the yard")
Eric: I wonder what [they] charge by the yard. Like 5 cents or something?
Alex: Well I got a front yard and a back yard, would that be 10 cents?

Miklos: Why is toilet paper so expensive?
Nikki: I know... That's why you buy it when it's $4 at Shoppers and I have a dollar off coupon.
Miklos: I had to borrow 3 rolls from my mom today, we were out.
Nikki: Why don't you ever look in the storage room?
Miklos: Oh yeah, I keep forgetting it's more than just a server room.
Nikki: I'm stocked up on everything! I'm not some... hoochie mama.
Nikki: If there was an apocalypse tomorrow and we happened to be the last people alive, I have everything we'd need at least until we could break into a Walmart.

Nikki: Remember when your dad found out how to queue YouTube videos in a playlist before we did, and then he was like... "What? I'm not STUPID!"

Nikki: i went to my purse to get a pen
Nikki: and instead i ended up swiffering and sweeping (still haven't swiffer wet-mopped)
Nikki: then makeupping
Nikki: then hairing
Nikki: then packing food and bathroom stuff
Nikki: (including towels and toothbrushes)
Miklos: hell of a detour
Nikki: and then finding my bag to pack my clothes in
Nikki: and now I'm back at the laptop realizing i haven't got that pen yet

Alex: then, when the theater is done.. i'm going to start on my winter project of making actual robots that play live music instruments
Teja: i think its time you start your humping project
Teja: You have already invested in your junior for almost 25 years its time for rewards now