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#643 6 days ago
*After listening to voicemail from parents*
Curtis: I'd better call them back now, seems important
Pearl: Why, what did they say?
Curtis: "Please call us back, it's important"
#642 Apr 1
Johnny: Dad, when I'm eating Nutella and breadsticks and you hit a bump, the breadstick breaks. So one day, on our way home from Mamo's, you might want to try to go slower.
#641 3/25/18
Miklos: So who do you play with at school?
Johnny: Logan, Audrey, Liam, Pogey...
Miklos: Pogey?
Johnny: Pogey lived on Jupiter but moved to Earth to go to my preschool.
#640 3/22/18
Nikki: Ouch, my knee! I mean my elbow. My arm-knee.
#637 3/15/18
Nikki: What the fuck. Did you see that commercial?? Chocolate pizza? Why the...
Miklos: The Lock [pizza shop] is doing that too.
Nikki: ...it's a good idea.
#635 3/11/18
Johnny: Mom, what's this song called?
Nikki: Your mom. Oh great, I'm saying your mom to my own son now.
#633 3/03/18
Tom: Mr Maj and Gyula were coming back from Fort Erie race track and were drunk. Gyula crashed the car (into a ditch or bridge or something) when the cop came Mr Maj did the talking and said "I don't know what happened officer. Gyula, he good driver...he vas driving, then chooo chooo chooo chooo poof." No charges.
#630 1/19/18
[brushing the cat]
Nikki: Okay, this is getting risky. I can't do this anymore.
Miklos: Why?
[cat bites Nikki]
Nikki: OW! Because she bit me!
Miklos: That was a love bite.
Nikki: Yeah, well I don't love bites!
#629 12/29/17
Miklos: It's called Weir Road.
Johnny: Weir Road.
Miklos: Not 'Weird' Road.
Johnny: I DIDN'T SAY Weird Road. I said Weir Road!
Miklos: Okay, sorry.
Johnny: ... Heh, but it is a funny, weird road.
#628 12/22/17
[During a quiet moment while eating lunch after the dog's toenail broke, spurting blood everywhere, following a morning of other small disasters]
Johnny: Mom... I think it's time we sell this house.
#627 12/10/17
Johnny: Dad, what makes my fingers move?
Miklos: Your brain
Johnny: My brain???
Miklos: Yes, it controls everything!
Johnny: Even my toes? My hands? My mouth?
Miklos: Yes, everything.
Johnny: That’s funny. Dad?
Miklos: Yes?
Johnny: What’s a brain?
#626 12/02/17
Nikki: Wow, it's taking a long time to turn onto this street.
Johnny: Uhh YEAH... King Street is a really busy street.
#625 12/02/17
Johnny: Mommy, thanks for giving me my sucker. It's got a beautiful taste.
#624 11/26/17
[playing Mario Kart]
Johnny: Why is his name Bowser dad?
Miklos: I don’t know, why is this guy’s name Mario?
Johnny: Because! His mother named him Mario when he was a baby!
#623 11/18/17
Johnny: Can you make me a real motorcycle dad?
Miklos: How do I do that?
Johnny: Just use the tools in the shed. It’ll make it easier.
#622 11/06/17
Jessica: He's a man of many few words... Many few?
Pearl: And she's not even 1/4 of the way through her wine yet.
#620 10/13/17
Curtis: So if memory serves me right, Spinney might be around Hamilton for sushi on Friday or Monday
Alex: And if the waitresses serve us right, we should get everything we ordered
#619 9/17/17
[while running to the bathroom]
Johnny: Pause this, I have to go poo!
#618 9/11/17
Johnny: Dad is this Toyota expensive?
Dad: Yeah it'd be expensive if you were to buy it on your own.
Johnny: Dad, you can buy it with me any time you want.
#617 9/09/17
Miklos: [9:45PM, to Nikki] It's wine forty-five.
#616 9/06/17
Johnny: What's a king? Does a king have a crown?
Dad: Yes a king has a crown.
Johnny: What does a queen have?
Dad: A crown too but a smaller one.
Johnny: Isn't that called a tiara?
Dad: Yes, how do you know that word?
Johnny: I know EVERY word!
Dad: Is that right?
Johnny: Yes, a tiara.
#615 9/05/17
Miklos: "Reinforcements." [Reinforcement labels, for paper] That was one of the first words I learned in English.
Rob: You mean "law enforcement?"
#614 8/31/17
Nikki: Do you have a poop?
Johnny: No.
Nikki: Do you HAVE to poop? You have really gross toots.
Johnny: Nope I don't have to and yes I do, I'm very sorry but I still love you though.
#613 8/29/17
Nikki: This guy's so annoying. He thinks he's 14 but he's actually like 77.
#612 8/07/17
Pearl: Netflix has movies
#611 8/03/17
[Turning onto Vimy Rd in Port Colborne]
Johnny: Dad, this is called wiggling woods because the trees are wiggling. Trees are wood. I want to call them whistling woods but the birds don't want to listen to me.
#610 7/24/17
Miklos: Has he found the Rudi yet?
Nikki: He never does. I'd rather you eat it than him. What chance do you have of being healthy compared to him?
Miklos: 100%.
[Bites into a Rudi chocolate bar wrapped in white bread]
#609 7/05/17
Miklos: Is it "Tobermory" or "Toby-mory"?
Nikki: Yeah, it's "Toby-mory".
#608 6/21/17
(After waiting in a drive thru on the way to work)
Alex: ffs train
Curtis: Dafuq? Which Tims do you go to?
Alex: McDonalds
#607 5/26/17
Nikki: Did you know that they're selling eyebrows now? Like real human eyebrows? You just stick them on. People are paying for eyebrows like mine.
Miklos: Do you think they would pay for eyebrows like mine?
Nikki: Maybe if they were on a movie set...
#606 4/11/17
[while looking at #princessrico photos on instagram]
Miklos: Rico's a girl's name?
Nikki: Could be. Anything goes now. Trump is f'n president.
#605 4/02/17
[Miklos queues up a Susan Sarandon-narrated Youtube video at the lunch table]
Nikki: Can we just have a lunch without Susan Sarandon?
#604 2/06/17
Alex: I've never seen the Wizard of Oz but what's the point of watching it? I already know there's a scarecrow, a tin man, and a wolf man. What else is there to know?!
#603 2/01/17
Nikki: I don't even roll my eyes at your pun posts
Nikki: I think my eyes just vibrate in place as if they did a full roll to save time
#602 10/24/16
Pearl: Did you say praise the lord?
Jess: ....? No
Pearl: What did you say?
Jess: Train's still going
#601 9/26/16
(Backing out of a driveway onto a highway)
Pearl: What am I gonna hit?
*Curtis looks around briefly and sees nothing*
Pearl: The road, Jack!
#600 9/23/16
Pearl: What's Icelandic for GPS?
Curtis: What does GPS even stand for in English?
Pearl: (after some thought) General Purpose Stuff?
#599 9/05/16
Curtis: Why did No Frills take their sign down?
Pearl: Because they have frills now
#598 6/14/16
Nikki: Do you have to pee or anything? I have to wash my hair.
#597 6/13/16
Miklos: Hol van a távirányító?
Nikki: I heard Dorito. And yes. A thousand times yes.
#596 5/31/16
Curtis: I kinda hate Cogeco's new beta website
Curtis: *Provides link*
Alex: Oh yeah, me too - there's a lot of work they'd still need to do
Alex: For example, a complete overhaul
#595 5/27/16
Nikki: the Twitter notifications are non-stop. This is like being Snoop Dogg's son's cousin. But not the blood-related one.
#594 5/16/16
[Looking at an alphabet book with Johnny]
Miklos: They put 4 letters on one screen? Okay...
Nikki: They're called pages, by the way.
#593 5/02/16
Alex: Don't you like that Baxo guy? He tells it like it is.
Well..he tells it like he'd like it to be.
#592 4/10/16
Pearl: Would it look weird if I stuck my nose in your exhaust pipe?
#591 3/27/16
Michelle: damn walking dead... who the heck eats an apple when they first get up in the morning
Miklos: sounds pretty unrealistic... in a show about zombies.
#590 3/19/16
Jessica: I have to peeee!
Mikkel: You know, you can do something about that.
Jessica: No, I can't! I don't have a "peenis"!
#589 3/19/16
Alex: Soirée. Doesn't that sound fancy?
Jessica: No, it sounds French.
#588 3/18/16
*Alex falls asleep reading something on Jessica's phone*
Jessica: Can I have my phone back if you're gonna fall asleep?
Alex: Yeah, just pull the cord.
*Jessica pulls the cord and it gets stuck*
Alex: Ahh! That's my face!
#587 2/13/16
Nikki: Some people have a weird confidence. Those people are usually less talented than me.
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