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#680 12/06/19
Johnny: Ooh. I have brain freeze. But not a bad brain freeze. A happy one.
Nikki: What's the difference?
Johnny: A bad brain freeze PUNCHES your brain! ['Punching his forehead' motion] A happy one HUGS your brain. [Smiles sweetly]
#679 11/14/19
Johnny: Dad, teach me programming.
Miklos: I'll teach you when you're a bit older. Right now it would probably be pretty boring for you.
Johnny: No! It would be exciting! Nothing in my life is boring, except for Fabricland.
#678 10/26/19
Miklos: You're a smart guy. You know what I am?
Johnny: A destroyed man.
#677 10/24/19
[after his first guitar lesson]
Johnny: I was nervous at first because I didn't expect it would be that fun. But as soon as I saw my music teacher I smiled up.
Miklos: Smiled up? What does that mean?
Johnny: It means that the good feeling punches down the nervous feeling and it lives happily ever after.
#676 10/21/19
Miklos: So John, what's up? How's life?
Johnny: Huh? Why do you say how's life? It's AMAZING! What do you think it is? Fried chicken?
#675 10/19/19
[After hearing the 50th Conservative radio ad today]
Nikki: Wow, I sure hope if Scheer wins on Monday that I'll have loads of money falling out of my pockets.
Johnny: What do you mean?
Nikki: Oh, the party with the blue election signs says if we vote for them they're putting money in our pocket.
Johnny: I highly doubt it.
#674 10/12/19
Miklos: John, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Johnny: I don't know.
Miklos: What about a transparent wall technician?
Johnny: What does that even mean?
Miklos: A window washer.
Johnny: Nope. I do not want to be anything like that.
#673 9/21/19
Johnny: I'm really fast on my bike. Sometimes I let go of my breath but I never give up.
#672 9/01/19
Johnny: Don't make me do boring stuff. I like doing cute stuff.
Miklos: Boring stuff. Like what?
Johnny: Like talking too much, or bringing in your iced coffee, or making you have to stop being on your phone all the time. That's it.
Miklos: And what about the cute stuff?
Johnny: That's like doing things I like... or like when mommy sings me a song.
#671 8/29/19
Johnny: Don't look at me like that.
Nikki: Like what?
Johnny: Like an egg salad sandwich.
#670 7/30/19
[While driving on the highway; a tow truck worker pulls over and gets out of his car to walk up to a police car pulled over ahead of him]
Johnny: Somehow a tow truck driver pulled over a policeman!
#669 7/17/19
Johnny: How do you make that salad dressing?
Nikki: I don't know, I kind of just put whatever ingredients I like in and hope for the best.
Johnny: Yeah! You can do that. You don't have to follow a recipe. You can make your own! Nobody will call the cops. The cops don't mind! The government's not going to stop you! The government runs the world but they won't tell you what to put in your salad dressing!
#668 6/14/19
Sanyi: If you walk like a duck, the duck will quack.
#666 5/06/19
Miklos: I'll be flying through those clouds soon. Eh John? When you're flying in a plane sometimes you're even above the clouds. You look down and you can see them. I'll take a picture and send it for you to see.
[Johnny smacks his head]
Johnny: Oh my gosh, that's so weird I think I'm gonna throw up. That's bizarre.
#665 4/30/19
Alex: Omg I just realized I have my underwear on backwards. No wonder why it felt really uncomfortable on the elliptical this morning.
#664 4/25/19
Johnny: Some people’s ears wobble.
Nikki: Wobble? What do you mean?
Johnny: Did I go to a funeral once? I’m guessing I did. At the funeral there was an old lady and her ears wobbled.
#663 2/17/19
Pearl: The wind blew hunger into me
#662 2/06/19
Johnny: HAHA! I did two toots the same, and one different, Mommy! It's so FUNNY, isn't it?! [exaggerated laughing for approximately 20 seconds] My toots are the BEST!
#661 2/03/19
Papo: Haha! That's so stupid.
Johnny: HEY! I was having a fun time until you said a swear word!
#660 10/22/18
Miklos: "Wow. Look at all the geese in that field!"
Johnny: "I saw that on my way home from school. I guess whoever lives there has invited all their goose friends. They have 12 brothers, and 100 sisters!"
#659 10/20/18
Miklos: Johnny beat me at Trouble. He sent me back to the beginning twice.
Johnny: Yep! So let's call that game 'Trouble for Miklos.'
#658 9/09/18
Johnny: Wanna be bad guys?
Miklos: Sure.
Johnny: Ok. Let’s go bad the day up.
Miklos: Bad the day up? What does that mean?
Johnny: When we go over there, the day’s gonna be so angry at us.
#657 9/09/18
Johnny: Let’s go shoot the day!
Nikki: Shoot the day?
Johnny: Shoot the day means save the day — with GUNS!!
Nikki: What are you, American?
#656 9/05/18
[reading a cleaning tutorial]
Nikki: This person sure likes Pine Sol to clean things.
Miklos: Wouldn't that get sticky?
Nikki: It's Pine Sol, not pine sap
#655 9/02/18
Nikki: you don’t want to be a helicopter parent.
Miklos: I wouldn’t say helicopter... I'd say more like a chinook.. two rotors..
#654 8/22/18
Johnny: Oh, look! A checkmark! Of geese!
#653 8/22/18
Johnny: The vine bridge is open all the time and when I have to poop the bridge closes fast so I don’t poop myself. And when the poo touches it it’s very sharp; that’s when I know I have to poop. The when I am pooping it sloooowly opens to let the poop out.
#652 8/16/18
Curtis: Next season of Santa Clarita Diet will probably be in April
Pearl: Dammit. I can’t wait till September
Curtis: What? Why?
Pearl: Because it’s closer to April
#651 8/15/18
Alex: oh well as long as i can get to sex.com that's all that matters.
#650 8/04/18
Johnny: Dad, when bad people die that’s good. Because when bad people die they aren’t alive anymore.
Miklos: Oh? And why is that good?
Johnny: Because when bad people die they are dead. And they can’t do bad things anymore.
Miklos: Where did you learn this from?
Johnny: From my brain.
#649 8/04/18
[driving by a funeral home]
Johnny: Dad, why is that funeral guy there?
Miklos: There is a funeral going on right now.
Johnny: A funeral? Why?
Miklos: Yes, there are funerals all the time. You know, people die every day, it’s just a part of life.
Johnny: Funerals are so embarrassing.
Miklos: Embarrassing? Why?
Johnny: Because. You just sit there. And it’s embarrassing.
Miklos: It’s not embarrassing, it’s sad.
Johnny: It’s sad and embarrassing.
#648 7/19/18
Alex: You know, there is probably a universe out there where the keyboard types on us
#647 7/05/18
Johnny: We're trying to fix the robot arm. This one. It fell off. [Goes into a kitchen drawer, finds a small screwdriver.] This will do! This will do the thing.
#646 6/17/18
(After popping a balloon)
Pircsi: You’re killing them
Miklos: No, I’m murdering them
#645 5/26/18
[Pircsi playing a board game with Johnny, he keeps rolling the dice onto his pieces knocking them out of place]
Pircsi: you’re never going to win if you keep doing that
Johnny: I’m going to win because I’m cheating
#644 4/26/18
Alex: Everyone seems to be driving like an idiot today and it's just torture.
Jessica: To be fair, the speed limit is 40 here.
Alex: I don't care about speed limits. I care about MY limits.
#643 4/20/18
*After listening to voicemail from parents*
Curtis: I'd better call them back now, seems important
Pearl: Why, what did they say?
Curtis: "Please call us back, it's important"
#642 4/01/18
Johnny: Dad, when I'm eating Nutella and breadsticks and you hit a bump, the breadstick breaks. So one day, on our way home from Mamo's, you might want to try to go slower.
#641 3/25/18
Miklos: So who do you play with at school?
Johnny: Logan, Audrey, Liam, Pogey...
Miklos: Pogey?
Johnny: Pogey lived on Jupiter but moved to Earth to go to my preschool.
#640 3/22/18
Nikki: Ouch, my knee! I mean my elbow. My arm-knee.
#637 3/15/18
Nikki: What the fuck. Did you see that commercial?? Chocolate pizza? Why the...
Miklos: The Lock [pizza shop] is doing that too.
Nikki: ...it's a good idea.
#635 3/11/18
Johnny: Mom, what's this song called?
Nikki: Your mom. Oh great, I'm saying your mom to my own son now.
#633 3/03/18
Tom: Mr Maj and Gyula were coming back from Fort Erie race track and were drunk. Gyula crashed the car (into a ditch or bridge or something) when the cop came Mr Maj did the talking and said "I don't know what happened officer. Gyula, he good driver...he vas driving, then chooo chooo chooo chooo poof." No charges.
#630 1/19/18
[brushing the cat]
Nikki: Okay, this is getting risky. I can't do this anymore.
Miklos: Why?
[cat bites Nikki]
Nikki: OW! Because she bit me!
Miklos: That was a love bite.
Nikki: Yeah, well I don't love bites!
#629 12/29/17
Miklos: It's called Weir Road.
Johnny: Weir Road.
Miklos: Not 'Weird' Road.
Johnny: I DIDN'T SAY Weird Road. I said Weir Road!
Miklos: Okay, sorry.
Johnny: ... Heh, but it is a funny, weird road.
#628 12/22/17
[During a quiet moment while eating lunch after the dog's toenail broke, spurting blood everywhere, following a morning of other small disasters]
Johnny: Mom... I think it's time we sell this house.
#627 12/10/17
Johnny: Dad, what makes my fingers move?
Miklos: Your brain
Johnny: My brain???
Miklos: Yes, it controls everything!
Johnny: Even my toes? My hands? My mouth?
Miklos: Yes, everything.
Johnny: That’s funny. Dad?
Miklos: Yes?
Johnny: What’s a brain?
#626 12/02/17
Nikki: Wow, it's taking a long time to turn onto this street.
Johnny: Uhh YEAH... King Street is a really busy street.
#625 12/02/17
Johnny: Mommy, thanks for giving me my sucker. It's got a beautiful taste.
#624 11/26/17
[playing Mario Kart]
Johnny: Why is his name Bowser dad?
Miklos: I don’t know, why is this guy’s name Mario?
Johnny: Because! His mother named him Mario when he was a baby!
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