Nikki: you don’t want to be a helicopter parent.
Miklos: I wouldn’t say helicopter... I'd say more like a chinook.. two rotors..

Johnny: Dad, when bad people die that’s good. Because when bad people die they aren’t alive anymore.
Miklos: Oh? And why is that good?
Johnny: Because when bad people die they are dead. And they can’t do bad things anymore.
Miklos: Where did you learn this from?
Johnny: From my brain.

[driving by a funeral home]
Johnny: Dad, why is that funeral guy there?
Miklos: There is a funeral going on right now.
Johnny: A funeral? Why?
Miklos: Yes, there are funerals all the time. You know, people die every day, it’s just a part of life.
Johnny: Funerals are so embarrassing.
Miklos: Embarrassing? Why?
Johnny: Because. You just sit there. And it’s embarrassing.
Miklos: It’s not embarrassing, it’s sad.
Johnny: It’s sad and embarrassing.

(After popping a balloon)
Pircsi: You’re killing them
Miklos: No, I’m murdering them

Miklos: So who do you play with at school?
Johnny: Logan, Audrey, Liam, Pogey...
Miklos: Pogey?
Johnny: Pogey lived on Jupiter but moved to Earth to go to my preschool.

Nikki: Did you see that commercial?? Chocolate pizza? Why the...
Miklos: The Lock [pizza shop] is doing that too.
Nikki: ...it's a good idea.

[brushing the cat]
Nikki: Okay, this is getting risky. I can't do this anymore.
Miklos: Why?
[cat bites Nikki]
Nikki: OW! Because she bit me!
Miklos: That was a love bite.
Nikki: Yeah, well I don't love bites!

Miklos: It's called Weir Road.
Johnny: Weir Road.
Miklos: Not 'Weird' Road.
Johnny: I DIDN'T SAY Weird Road. I said Weir Road!
Miklos: Okay, sorry.
Johnny: ... Heh, but it is a funny, weird road.

Johnny: Dad, what makes my fingers move?
Miklos: Your brain
Johnny: My brain???
Miklos: Yes, it controls everything!
Johnny: Even my toes? My hands? My mouth?
Miklos: Yes, everything.
Johnny: That’s funny. Dad?
Miklos: Yes?
Johnny: What’s a brain?

[playing Mario Kart]
Johnny: Why is his name Bowser dad?
Miklos: I don’t know, why is this guy’s name Mario?
Johnny: Because! His mother named him Mario when he was a baby!

Johnny: Can you make me a real motorcycle dad?
Miklos: How do I do that?
Johnny: Just use the tools in the shed. It’ll make it easier.

Johnny: Dad is this Toyota expensive?
Miklos: Yeah it'd be expensive if you were to buy it on your own.
Johnny: Dad, you can buy it with me any time you want.

Miklos: [9:45PM, to Nikki] It's wine forty-five.

Johnny: What's a king? Does a king have a crown?
Miklos: Yes a king has a crown.
Johnny: What does a queen have?
Miklos: A crown too but a smaller one.
Johnny: Isn't that called a tiara?
Miklos: Yes, how do you know that word?
Johnny: I know EVERY word!
Miklos: Is that right?
Johnny: Yes, a tiara.

Miklos: "Reinforcements." [Reinforcement labels, for paper] That was one of the first words I learned in English.
Rob: You mean "law enforcement?"

Miklos: Has he found the Rudi yet?
Nikki: He never does. I'd rather you eat it than him. What chance do you have of being healthy compared to him?
Miklos: 100%.
[Bites into a Rudi chocolate bar wrapped in white bread]

Miklos: Is it "Tobermory" or "Toby-mory"?
Nikki: Yeah, it's "Toby-mory".

Nikki: Did you know that they're selling eyebrows now? Like real human eyebrows? You just stick them on. People are paying for eyebrows like mine.
Miklos: Do you think they would pay for eyebrows like mine?
Nikki: Maybe if they were on a movie set...

[while looking at #princessrico photos on instagram]
Miklos: Rico's a girl's name?
Nikki: Could be. Anything goes now. Trump is f'n president.

[Miklos queues up a Susan Sarandon-narrated Youtube video at the lunch table]
Nikki: Can we just have a lunch without Susan Sarandon?