Johnny: Mom, Google how volcanoes are formed.
[Nikki does so]
Johnny: Hm. Not very interesting. Did you know I've almost never made a perfect snowball?

Johnny: Ooh. I have brain freeze. But not a bad brain freeze. A happy one.
Nikki: What's the difference?
Johnny: A bad brain freeze PUNCHES your brain! ['Punching his forehead' motion] A happy one HUGS your brain. [Smiles sweetly]

[After hearing the 50th Conservative radio ad today]
Nikki: Wow, I sure hope if Scheer wins on Monday that I'll have loads of money falling out of my pockets.
Johnny: What do you mean?
Nikki: Oh, the party with the blue election signs says if we vote for them they're putting money in our pocket.
Johnny: I highly doubt it.

Johnny: Don't look at me like that.
Nikki: Like what?
Johnny: Like an egg salad sandwich.

Johnny: How do you make that salad dressing?
Nikki: I don't know, I kind of just put whatever ingredients I like in and hope for the best.
Johnny: Yeah! You can do that. You don't have to follow a recipe. You can make your own! Nobody will call the cops. The cops don't mind! The government's not going to stop you! The government runs the world but they won't tell you what to put in your salad dressing!

Johnny: Some people’s ears wobble.
Nikki: Wobble? What do you mean?
Johnny: Did I go to a funeral once? I’m guessing I did. At the funeral there was an old lady and her ears wobbled.

Johnny: Let’s go shoot the day!
Nikki: Shoot the day?
Johnny: Shoot the day means save the day — with GUNS!!
Nikki: What are you, American?

[reading a cleaning tutorial]
Nikki: This person sure likes Pine Sol to clean things.
Miklos: Wouldn't that get sticky?
Nikki: It's Pine Sol, not pine sap

Nikki: you don’t want to be a helicopter parent.
Miklos: I wouldn’t say helicopter... I'd say more like a chinook.. two rotors..

Nikki: Ouch, my knee! I mean my elbow. My arm-knee.

Nikki: Did you see that commercial?? Chocolate pizza? Why the...
Miklos: The Lock [pizza shop] is doing that too.
Nikki: ...it's a good idea.

Johnny: Mom, what's this song called?
Nikki: Your mom. Oh great, I'm saying your mom to my own son now.

[brushing the cat]
Nikki: Okay, this is getting risky. I can't do this anymore.
Miklos: Why?
[cat bites Nikki]
Nikki: OW! Because she bit me!
Miklos: That was a love bite.
Nikki: Yeah, well I don't love bites!

Nikki: Wow, it's taking a long time to turn onto this street.
Johnny: Uhh YEAH... King Street is a really busy street.

Miklos: [9:45PM, to Nikki] It's wine forty-five.

Nikki: Do you have a poop?
Johnny: No.
Nikki: Do you HAVE to poop? You have really gross toots.
Johnny: Nope I don't have to and yes I do, I'm very sorry but I still love you though.

Nikki: This guy's so annoying. He thinks he's 14 but he's actually like 77.

Miklos: Has he found the Rudi yet?
Nikki: He never does. I'd rather you eat it than him. What chance do you have of being healthy compared to him?
Miklos: 100%.
[Bites into a Rudi chocolate bar wrapped in white bread]

Miklos: Is it "Tobermory" or "Toby-mory"?
Nikki: Yeah, it's "Toby-mory".

Nikki: Did you know that they're selling eyebrows now? Like real human eyebrows? You just stick them on. People are paying for eyebrows like mine.
Miklos: Do you think they would pay for eyebrows like mine?
Nikki: Maybe if they were on a movie set...