#787 · Jun 17
[while eating a cheeseburger]
John: See, I knew it was McDonald's cheese you were putting in my lunch sandwiches, Mom.
Nikki: Processed cheese? Yeah.
John: I'm not going to call it processed cheese. It sounds too important. I'm going to call it McDonald's cheese.
#784 · Jun 5
John: Dad, wouldn't it be an awesome Sci Fi book, where somebody puts invisible spray on themselves and they touch a mirror and they fall through the mirror because their reflection is blocking them when they're not invisible but it's not blocking them when they are invisible?
#783 · May 23
Miklos: When I was little [in Hungary] our neighbour came over and I offered her some of my cream of wheat, but then she slowly kept eating it until she finished it all.
John: [patting Miklos' shoulder] That's OK dad, you have bigger problems now.
#782 · May 11
John: What did the cheese husband say to his cheese kid about his cheese wife?
John: Cheese just the best.
#780 · Mar 27
John: Mamo snores loud! It's like turkeys screaming.
#779 · Mar 27
Miklos: [as he walked up behind John] Sorry, did I scare you?
John: Yeah, you walked up to me really loud. I was like "oh god, what's _he_ got?"
#777 · Mar 16
John: [moving closer to Miklos] I want to watch you do Wordle.
Miklos: Why?
John: Because it's satisfying to watch you lose.
#776 · Feb 27
Miklos: I use big words at work sometimes.
John: Why?
Miklos: I like to think it makes me sound smarter.
John: Well I am just flabbergasted.
#775 · Jan 28
[watching Wheel of Fortune, one of the contestant's name is Gary]
Miklos: Wow, a young guy named Gary.
John: Yeah, I always think of Garys as old grumpy men with less fingers than they need.
#774 · Jan 27
[John talking, Miklos not paying attention]
Miklos: Sorry, I was just thinking about the dashboard. It's a work of art.
John: Why is it a work of art?
Miklos: Because it tells people a lot of information in a simple way.
John: [examining the monitor] Oh.. but where's the power button? [shuts monitor off]
Miklos: So you're just gonna turn the monitor off?
John: Yeah I don't care.
#773 · Jan 26
Johnny: Yeah, moms are good for a lot of things. They're like multi-tool pocket knives.
#771 · Dec 30, 2021
Nikki: Oh what's that? In that tree!
Johnny: they're buds!
Nikki: No, they're fruit! What kind of tree is that?
Miklos: a partridge
Nikki: a partridge is a bird
Miklos: well what's the opposite of that?
Nikki: the opposite of a partridge?? There isn't an opposite of a bird. I think you're thinking of a pear tree.
Miklos: No, what's the tree version of a partridge?
#766 · Nov 28, 2021
Johnny: I just had an enjoyable moment. You wanna know what it was? My burp tasted like meatloaf.
#765 · Nov 8, 2021
[on snacking on Timbits for free while working at Tim Hortons]
Johnny: It was borrowing without asking, forever -- until you dropped it in the loo.
#764 · Nov 6, 2021
Miklos: Holy, that tablet is slow.
Johnny: Yes, but it's ok I've gotten used to being patient.
Mamo: It's because it's full of games. You should delete some of them. And maybe also clear some points or money or whatever.
Miklos: Cache? [Spells it out.]
Mamo: I guess? Whatever? What is that?
Johnny: It's stored things on your device, Mamo.
#763 · Oct 20, 2021
Nikki: Do you think she has a brain?
Miklos: Well, something's gotta be making her heart beat...
#762 · Oct 18, 2021
Nikki: Ahh!
Johnny: What?
Nikki: Nothing, nothing. Just saw something disturbing. Finish your story.
Johnny: So that button is where Auntie Pearl's emergency brake is! ...What did you see?
Nikki: Oh! Just roadkill..
Johnny: What kind of roadkill?
Nikki: Oh it was weird... I don't really wanna disturb you too -- ok it was a deer's head. Just the head, nothing else.
Johnny: A deer's head?? Wow. I wonder how it got there.
Nikki: I dunno. Maybe it got hit by a car and the head fell off?
Johnny: [in a British accent] 'e was wearin' a helmet but 'is 'ead come off!'

[ Origin of what he was quoting can be found here: https://youtu.be/vc82cy7ImRY ]
#761 · Oct 16, 2021
[Driving past a lit-up retirement home at night]
Nikki: All the old fucks --- er, folks... are up.
#760 · Oct 11, 2021
Johnny: I totally forgot that we were in this human universe.
#759 · Oct 1, 2021
Nikki: You should be in marketing. You're clever and very funny. You'd make some good commercials.
Johnny: [holding floss tightly and smiling into the mirror with a Transylvanian accent] Buy a finger trap today, on Vampire.ca!
#758 · Oct 1, 2021
Johnny: I'm a pretty smart kid. Like, I know the word "phenomenal". And I use catchphrases like, "what's the 4-1-1?"
#757 · Sep 19, 2021
Johnny: Farts are the opposite of two things: Not farting, and burping. Those are the fart opposites.
#756 · Sep 18, 2021
Pircsi: Who is Papo? Do we love him?
Johnny: Yes. Do you have amnesia?
#755 · Sep 16, 2021
Nikki: Maybe you should learn the languages of the places you go to.
Miklos: I don't need to because they're learning mine.
Nikki: That's a very American statement.
#754 · Aug 29, 2021
Nikki: Uh what the.... Please tell me this is water.
Johnny: It's water!
Nikki: Do you know that for a fact?
Johnny: You only told me to say that...
#753 · Aug 6, 2021
Johnny: Did you hear that tap on the car roof just now? *imitates the sound*
Nikki: No I didn't. It might have been a bird though.
Johnny: Nah. More like a bird S.H.-bad word.
Nikki: Hahahaha. Why did you choose to say it that way instead of bird poo?
Johnny: Because it's funnier.
#752 · Jul 30, 2021
Nikki: This ice cream is still cold all the way at the bottom.
Johnny: Get used to it, kid. Life is cold. Freezing cold.
#751 · May 27, 2021
[An excerpt from John's virtual school today]
Teacher: Class, if you guys could go back in time, where would you go? You don't have to know the exact time or place, just something you're interested in. Where would you time travel to if you could go anywhere at all? John, let's start with you. Where would you go?
Johnny: 1996. Toonie factory.
#750 · May 21, 2021
Nikki: What are these bumps on your arm?
Johnny: It's not gonna be a problem.
Nikki: What if a flying ant laid eggs in your arm and they're going to live in there now?
Johnny: [Shrugs] Meh. Then I'll be the Father Ant.
#749 · May 15, 2021
Johnny: Dad, Mark [our neighbour] is funny. When I was talking to him today, the second time I said "guess what"... he said "you got your pilot's license?" ... Isn't that funny, Dad? Haha... That's how he responded.
#748 · May 14, 2021
[The night a barn on Miller Rd. in Port Colborne burned down]
Johnny: I wonder how many years old that barn was.
Nikki: Quite.
Johnny: So it was quite years old?
#746 · Apr 27, 2021
[Miklos cuffed John's jeans because they were a bit too long]
John: What. Now I look like Santa.
Miklos: No, no... This is a style. [shows him photos on the internet]
John: I'm fixing them. You took a perfectly good pair of jeans and made them look ridiculous.
#745 · Apr 10, 2021
Miklos: If each month is 4 weeks long, how many months is 5 weeks?
Johnny: A month and a quarter.
Miklos: How do you know?
Johnny: Because I know that 4+1 is 5.
Miklos: Yeah, but I mean...
Johnny: Ugh, I don't feel like explaining.
#744 · Apr 3, 2021
Dominic: How do you think the world was created?
Johnny: Two giant asteroids smashed together...
Dominic: Actually, it was God.
Johnny: Well, I'm not going to say your idea is bad. They're both just ideas, nobody really knows what happened.
#743 · Apr 3, 2021
Miklos: shhh....
Johnny: Sorry, but you're going to have to deal with it. I'm drawing on a balloon with a Sharpie, it's going to be squeaky.
#742 · Mar 23, 2021
[Miklos wrote some poems]
asparagus pee
so pungent to my nostrils
I cannot stand it
------------------------------
trimmed my beard today
a splinter in my finger
from a stray chin hair
------------------------------
thanks to John's comics
I sit here and write Haikus
on a Monday night
#741 · Mar 20, 2021
[Watching Canada's Worst Driver, appalled at all of the mistakes the drivers are making, he finally gets fed up and softly exclaims]
Johnny: i-bad-words.
#740 · Mar 9, 2021
Laurie: I wish I could bottle up the feeling of Friday at 5:00 PM!
#739 · Feb 28, 2021
Johnny: Dad, imagine I invented a saying?
Miklos: A saying?
Johnny: Yeah.. like... "The toaster never talks."
#738 · Feb 15, 2021
Nikki: My character looks like Harry Potter.
Johnny: Haha. She really does.
Nikki: Do you know who Harry Potter is?
Johnny: Yes! I've read Harry Potter.
Nikki: What? When?
Johnny: At school! I've read a bunch of them.
Nikki: Really??
Johnny: No wait, maybe I'm thinking of Scooby Doo.
#737 · Feb 10, 2021
Johnny: Who are you guys talking about?
Miklos: Prince.
Johnny: Who's that?
Nikki: Prince was one of the greatest musicians of his ti--
Johnny: One question -- cat, or human?
#736 · Feb 7, 2021
Johnny: You're an apple orchard!
Miklos: Yeah? What kind of apples?
Johnny: ROTTEN APPLES!
#735 · Feb 5, 2021
Sanyi: The new "BC" is going to be "before covid".
Miklos: Calendar reset in 2020. This is year 1.
Miklos: I was born in 39 BC.
#734 · Jan 10, 2021
Johnny: Dad, do you know what blur is?
Miklos: Tell me.
Johnny: Blur is the tiny little squares that form a picture in a camera not lining up properly.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Who taught you that?
Johnny: Nobody. I'm just that smart of a 6-year-old, and yes, it is very smart for a 6-year-old.
#733 · Jan 9, 2021
Miklos: Ew. Is that garbage?
Nikki: John, did you fart?
Johnny: NO! It's this TOWN!
[Nikki rolls down window]
Johnny: [panicking] You're just letting it in, Mom!!
#732 · Jan 7, 2021
Johnny: I'm sorry for what I said before. I didn't mean it.
Nikki: ...Yeah? Do you remember what you said?
Johnny: .....No.
Nikki: One of the most important parts of apologizing is knowing what you're apologizing for.
Johnny: I'm sorry for my poor apology, Mom. Heh. I'm apologizing for my apology.
#731 · Jan 2, 2021
Nikki: Gogo.. give it to me straight. Is Yorkshire actually made of pudding?
Goran: It really is, the rot on the southside is becoming an issue and the gravy is starting to pour out
Goran: I like how misleading the word pudding is here
Goran: Yorkshire pudding is an eggy savoury pastry thing
Goran: Black pudding is blood sausage
Goran: Pee, they call yellow pudding
Goran: Poo - you guessed it
Nikki: Hahahaha
Nikki: Pudding
#730 · Dec 31, 2020
[After waiting all night, pausing for a few seconds after the countdown with a shrug]
Johnny: Now that I think about it, I don't even care. It's just a new year. Why do people celebrate this?
#729 · Dec 25, 2020
[Reading "The Bad Guys" book #3 to John]
Miklos: Chapter Two: The Lair of Dr. Marmalade [pronouncing it marma-lad]
John: It's marma-lade!
Miklos:. How do you know that?
John: Because, there's a silent E at the end which makes the last vowel before it say its name.
Miklos: Oh yeah? Where'd you learn that?
John: In kindergarten.
#728 · Dec 18, 2020
Johnny: Dad, close your eyes and tell me what you see.
Miklos: I see you getting ready for bed.
Johnny: Tell me the truth. Do you just see black and red or do you actually see a coloured picture.
Miklos: Black and red. You?
Johnny: Same.