John: This Guinness Book of World Records isn't the Canadian Edition! They're calling them crisps! "World's Largest Crisps Statue."
[Moments later]
John: They're definitely British! They're calling clocks 'time circles!' ...... Just kidding.

John: did you shave?
Miklos: just trimmed my beard
John: you look like the Lorax.
Miklos: who?
John: you don’t know the Lorax? Defender of the trees? [shows me a photo]

Miklos: I think one of the best things out there is marble cheddar dipped into maple syrup. Seriously. You wanna try it?
John: Man, I hope I don’t evolve into you.

[eyeing my credit card]
John: Nice orange card. Do you mind if I memorize all the details?
Miklos: Yes, very much.

Nikki: I have a cough. I would much rather have a mortgage almost paid off.

Miklos: I have so much on my mind this week. A playlist for the dinner dance, the speakers, the ticket sales, getting winter tires on my car, my brakes are failing, setting up tables at the hall and on top of all that a full time job.
John: Wow. The only things on my mind are things for my own enjoyment. Like my gaming PC, my [new PS5] controller...

[playing Skate. Notices me watching him play]
John: better lock in! Dad’a watching.

John: You know those videos that are like “my JANITOR taught me this” and it’s a spaghetti life hack…

Miklos: Congratulations! You have outgrown your asthma! This calls for a treat.
John: Yay, yes it does! Cigarettes! Bring back the asthma!
Miklos: With a vengeance…

John: YouTube in guest mode is like sleeping over at a friend’s house. It doesn’t feel safe, and it doesn’t feel like home.

John: It’s always like “rent a game” or “rent a movie”, the library barely does anything about books anymore.

John: No use arguing when you don't know what's going on.

[Got a new wifi-enabled dryer, notifications popping up on Miklos' phone]
Dryer: Cycle complete.
Dryer: Wrinkle-prevent started.
Dryer: You can remove clothes at any time.
Miklos: Sheesh, give them a voice and they go on blabbering.
John: Dad, do you want to come watch me play Fortnite?
Miklos: Sure, just let me go get these clothes out of the dryer before it blogs about what a neglectful owner I am.
John: Haha, that would be funny! Dryer subreddit…

[30 minutes before dinner]
Miklos: What are you doing with that ice cream?
John: I am going to become friends with it… then I am going to betray it and eat it.

John: [6:45am] Father, you're gonna come into my room and wake me up with your silent breath and leave? Why am I holding a pencil ? Oh wait, my fingers are numb.

[walking into the YMCA family change-room and hearing the showers running with and old and a young voice in the distance]
John: I swear to god if it’s sir nude and noodle again…

John: Ugh. I wish black olives didn't taste so strong. I'm eating a sweet sub, then BAM.. it's right there.
Nikki: You ordered black olives though.
John: Of course I did. You have to. Nothing in life is perfect.
Nikki: So you order black olives so that you don't enjoy the sub *too* much.
John: Mmhmm.
[overhears a guy asking for black olives]
Nikki: That guy knows what's up.

Nikki: Wanna go to Treasure Hunt?
John: The bikes are all folded in half there. Treasure Hunt is like legal dumpster diving

Miklos: Wanna hang your clothes? They’re in the basket.
John: Yeah… no.
Miklos: You should…
John: Yeahhhh, but no.
Miklos: Why not?
John: There’s not a chance of that happening.

[At Melina’s while eating breakfast]
[over the radio] “I want to break free…”
John: I sing this in my head at school every day.

John: Yellow Pillow Inn?? Ew.

John: You know what I just thought of? Santa is just a big elf. He can’t be human if he lives forever. He’s like the president of the elves.
John: Oh!! Elf Presidente!!!

John: Will there be soup?
Miklos: Yes..
John: Will there be SALT?

John: It’s funny what you think PJs are. Pyjamas are different from night-time clothes.

John: Dad can you grab me some milk?
Nikki: You can get yourself some milk John. I think it’s time for you to become more self-sufficient.
John: But I am self-efficient.
Nikki: I said self-sufficient.
John: Yes, and I am being self-efficient because while I go get a book dad gets me some milk; yippee!

John: do you even use the Messages app on your work phone?
Miklos: yeah… Sometimes
Miklos: … during work hours
Miklos: … not very often
John: heh, the answer depletes every time you think about it.

Alex: *sends Curtis screenshot of satellite location feature from his new iPhone 16 Pro*
Alex: This is cool
Curtis: oh, welcome to 2 years ago
Alex: Wait what?
Curtis: *sends screenshot showing that it existed since iPhone 14*
Alex: Well I mean that’s useless to me. 2 years ago I was in the same boat as I was prior to upgrading today. Which is, being stuck with iPhone 12 Pro
Alex: It’s like someone from the 3rd world just moved and discovered McDonalds and said “wow, this is convenient food”.. and then you responding with “oh, welcome to 1955”

Miklos: If you want to be in the olympics, this is the time to start preparing.
John: Well, I am never going to play any sports.
Miklos: Not with that attitude…
John: Exactly. [sarcastically] Finally, someone who gets me.

John: I wonder how the first form of life on Earth was created.
Nikki: By mistake.

John: I don’t overthink things.
Miklos: No? You under think?
John: No, I just think.

John: When I was four, I had this philosophy that cars driving on the roads would spin the earth around. The cars would be going nowhere and it would be the earth spinning.

John: Dad got me a slingshot.
Nikki: That better not be used on anything that's alive.
John: It won't. Just trees.
Nikki: Trees are alive.
John: All right. Just windows.
Nikki: ..........
John: And if that's not okay, just Dad.
Nikki: He's alive too.
John: No!

John: Dad, can you make a cheesecake today since it's National Cherry Cheesecake Day? ... Dad can we be more aware of lost dogs because it's National Lost Dog Awareness Day?

[After buying a little guitar amp]
John: Isn't it nice, your little red guitar didn't have a voice for 20 years, and today we gave it some cough syrup

John: [singing] I found a straw
I opened up my eyes, I found a straw

Curtis H: My brain resets every time I get a year older, it's quite an inconvenience.

John: Celebrity Jeopardy is like college basketball to basketball.

Miklos: Do you think if we were listening to something like Joel Plaskett, we'd be driving differently?
John: Yeah
Miklos: So you're saying the type of music we listen to influences our driving? [Listening to dance music]
John: Definitely, given that you're doing 100 in a whiteout.

John: Do you know what my favourite question is at a restaurant? "How do you like your steak?"

[Taking money out of an ATM]
John: Ooh! It's warm!
Miklos: Hmmm.. I wonder why it's warm. It's not like it was just made. *smiles* A bit concerning, isn't it?
Miklos: Feels good though!
John: Feeling good makes you concerned?

[driving around downtown]
Miklos: ok we still have a few minutes to kill before I have to drop you off at school. Wanna do donuts in the No Frills parking lot?
John: you can't do donuts in a front wheel drive car
Miklos: I'll find a way
John: let's not
[a few minutes later]
Miklos: Okay, I'll just turn around up there and we'll head to school
John: turn around where?
Miklos: I'll turn around a few times... up there in the No Frills parking lot.
John: dad...

John: [mimicking the compass] North, East, South, West.. Never Eat Soggy Waffles.
Miklos: [at the same time as John saying "soggy waffles"] Shredded Wheat...
John: What? What is shredded wheat?
Miklos: A cereal brand from the old days. Not as popular now I suppose.
John: Who'd name a cereal "shredded wheat"?

Miklos: John, can you turn the light off?
John: Sorry, my answers are limited. You have to ask the right question.

John: Dad, I love you. I know when you say something dumb you're just expressing yourself.

Charlotte: It's "National French Fry Day".
Miklos: How come they get a day? And it's Thursday...
Charlotte: Wait, what did you think I said?

[finding him huddled into a tree]
Miklos: Whatcha doin'?
John: Surviving on two bars of internet.

John: I like Ford Broncos
Nikki: they're great for when you're running from the police
John: [mutters] for murdering your wife

John: The brain you are messaging is currently unavailable. Please leave a message after the beep

John: What do you call taking photos while diving?
John: Photoswimthesis

Miklos: I need to fix the horn. My anger has no voice.