Nikki: If I ever had a liverwurst business it'd be called De Livery. Our slogan would be "Our Wurst is The Best."

Brian: Well, I might as well make use of my steel toes and shitty clothes (As he walks towards the bathroom)

Nikki: [taking fake vampire teeth out of her mouth] how do people with dentures do this shit?
Miklos: I think they have properly fitted ones
Nikki: ah, not dollar store ones?

Miklos: Remember Electric Circus?
[Nikki and Miklos simultaneously] What the f was the point of that?!

[Reading a receipt that is almost completely faded]
Nikki: When is this even from? 0...1...?
Miklos: January 30, 2012?
Nikki: 2011. Christmas the 23rd. Wait. December.

Alex: I quit
Alex: i can't get a proper seating / monitor optimal viewing angle ratio.
Alex: so i can't work here.. work conditions aren't optimal
Alex: how awesome would it be if i quit literally because of that reason?
Curtis: haha especially if someone would have been willing to adjust things to be optimal but you already quit first
Alex: in that case i can literally say "i sit corrected"
Curtis: (changes subject with a funny subject line from a spam e-mail)
Alex: i hope that didn't make you overlook what i just wrote
Alex: cuz i'd like to think it was genius
Alex: so it needs to be acknowledged
Curtis: i didn't overlook it
Alex: sure looks that way.
Curtis: im sorry
Curtis: fine: yep!
Alex: oh. no humour reaction?
Alex: hmmm.
Alex: there's gotta be something!
Curtis: don't make this worse by dragging on the disappointment
Alex: :(
Alex: not even a sympathy "haha"?
Curtis: you'd allow such a context use?
Alex: well its not an OL reaction but you're acknowledging that there is a humour level.. so i'd allow it.
Alex: because that's what the ha lengths are for
Alex: and i think haha should be the shortest.. "ha" is just sarcastic
Alex: so at the very least that comment should warrant a "haha"
Curtis: but haha is like the shortest form of reaction to humour, not acknowledgement of the intended purpose
Alex: i'm just having a hard time believing it doesn't even deserve a "haha" at the very least.
Alex: because if someone fixes the seat, or optimal viewing angle i'd literally be sitting corrected.
Curtis: yeah, i get the joke
Curtis: and applaud your effort
Curtis: perhaps i feel like it's more clever than funny?
Alex: oh
Alex: then voice that!
Curtis: it was implied in my exclamation mark
Alex: oh
Alex: in that case: thanks!
Curtis: anytime :)

Brian: I'm not a big history buff so I don't know much beyond the basics of what I know

Lucas: LMFAO just got off the stage. My camera gear is covered in champagne showers!
Miklos: that's nothing to laugh about

Nikki: I told [6-month-old] Johnny don't ever get dogs. They're nice but a lot of work. He said "bbbbblllloooooon" so I said yes balloon dogs might be easier

[While waving to the car in front of her]
Pearl: Bye!!!
Pearl: They took so long to turn that I felt like I got to know them.

[Reading Mansion House sign]
Nikki: Ooh, "The Captain is coming"!
Miklos: What about Tennille?
Nikki: I don't know what that is.
Miklos: What? Captain and Tennille. Am I that old?
Nikki: Well, it finally happened. You referenced something that's too old for me to understand.

Curtis: So my landlord decided that I needed a new fridge, so I just got an upgraded one tonight with a lot more space.
Pearl: Oh nice, so when do you move?
Curtis: ....what?
Pearl: Wait, what?

Miklos: What year is this movie from? 1997? That's... 25 years!
Nikki: No it isn't. Not by any kind of math, anyway.

[pointing at a mole on her jawline]
Nikki: Has this always been there?
Miklos: I've never seen it.
Nikki: Really? It just showed up? Is it cancer?
Miklos: It's not cancer. It's been there forever.

[While Alex and Miklos are talking to each other, Curtis thinks he hears his name which didn't actually happen]
Curtis: Hmm? What are you talking about?
[They fill him in on the subject]
Curtis: Ah, so how am I involved in this?
Miklos: ......you interjected yourself into the conversation

Nikki: [talking to the TV] Your credit card didn't go through because you spend too much money...
Miklos: [looking at phone] No, it's because I couldn't remember my PIN because I haven't used it in so long.
Nikki: Not you, the girl on TV.
Miklos: [still not paying attention] Ohh, me.
Nikki: NO, NOT you. The girl on TV!

Pearl: There's two birds hanging out on that tree.
Alex: Where's the one stone?

Miklos: How many people googled Rod Iron and then clicked images and then swore never to tell anyone? Come on now, be honest.

[Miklos making breakfast in the kitchen, Nikki feeding Johnny in the living room]
Nikki: Is pee ok, spider?
Miklos: What??
Nikki: Is pee ok, spider? In your native language.
Miklos: Oh! P-ó-k! Yeah that's spider... I would've never guessed what the hell you were talking about if you didn't say "native language".

Nikki: There's something called No-Nails. It's good for wiggly bannisters and stuff.
Miklos: Is it like a tape?
Nikki: No, it's like a caulk ...
[Realizes what that sounded like]
Both: ........

Nikki: Did you know an aneurysm can just happen at any time? We could be talking right now and one of us could have an aneurysm and end up dead.
[Miklos, sipping from a glass, dribbles milk onto his shirt]
Nikki: Whoops...
Miklos: Looks like I'm well on my way.
Nikki: That was more of a stroke.

[Jessica puts her arm around Alex, just after he rolled over in his sleep]
Alex: [complaining] Mm Mm
Jessica: What?
Alex: Mm Mm
Jessica: What's wrong?
Alex: You asked me if I ever jousted.
Jessica: Haha. Are you on drugs?
Alex: I guess you didn't.

Alex: Is today Wednesday or Thursday?
Jessica: It's Tuesday..
Alex: So, it's neither?

Pearl: Look!! (points to bird on overhead wire)
Curtis: What is it?
Pearl: It's a HAWWWK!
Curtis: Ahhh (continues driving passed it)
Pearl: ............
Pearl: ............
Pearl: ............why aren't we turning around?
Curtis: Oh. Will it still be there?
Pearl: Well it won't be if we keep driving away from it.

miklos: [on dating a nerd] Once you go slacks, you never go back.

Nikki: Why do guys scratch their balls and then sniff their hands?
Miklos: I don't know? That's how monkeys do it.
Nikki: Like what are you gonna do based on the smells? "Ok.. I gotta now go make lunch..." or "This tells me that 2 days ago I had cabbage."

Alex: I got injured today.
Alex: I got hit in the head. You know, with that elastic rope thing you use to tie things down on the truck.
Jessica: Bungee cord.
Alex: *laughs* Yeah that one.
Alex: Maybe me getting hit in the head messed up my vision.

Marnie: Rexall is weird
Curtis: Weird how?
Marnie: I dunno. It's not Shoppers

Pearl: Sometimes I can't tell if it's me talking or the radio

(When talking about being in an area where there are always foxes)
Pearl: I thought I saw a fox over there last time we were here, but then I convinced myself that it was probably nothing and my mind just made me think it was a fox
Curtis: If there is movement around these parts, it's probably a fox
Pearl: Or it could be a toyota
Pearl: I mean coyote

Nikki: Vegans don't eat honey because it exploits bees. I officially think vegans are enormous idiots.

Nikki: I have a sunburn on my wrist even though I was wearing a watch.
Miklos: I have the opposite.
Nikki: A moonburn?

Miklos: Pogacsa's all gone. Marek ate most of it.
Nikki: Do they have pogacsa in Poland?
Miklos: I don't think so.
Nikki: Really? They love potatoes. By that I mean that I've seen one war-time movie where all they had to eat was potatoes.

Curtis: We did it already
Alex: But I didn't explode
(Clearly referencing a request to fist bump)

[Entering the living room after a nap, noticing]
Nik: You still have tea! Probably ice tea by now.
Miklos: Room tea
Nik: Soon it will be emp-tea.

Nikki: In the war of carnivores vs. vegans, the carnivores just eat the vegans.

Brian: He's very cheap it seems.. BUT he's not afraid to spend money it seems

Alex: That guy looks like a buffoon! And I've never used the word buffoon, but that man is a buffoon!

Pearl: Keep driving.. a little farther.. okay this is it.. wait no I lied.. okay slow down.. nope just kidding that's not it.. okay I think we may have passed it by now
Curtis: [While driving passed another house] Is that it? It looks abandoned
Pearl: Oops that was actually the second house I was looking for.
Curtis: So want me to turn around?
Pearl: Naw it's snowing so it's in the past.
(A day in the life of photography with Pearl)

Alex: A straw just went up my throat.
Pearl: I think things go down your throat, not up.
Alex: Shut up, Pearl! I just deep throated a straw!

(while driving past the Little Caesar's sign-swinging guy currently moving the sign like a steering wheel)
Miklos: [in a sad fading voice] "I'm driving you awaaayy..."

Nikki: Just do it. Don't be a pussy.
Nikki: ... I don't use that word. Now I've tried it once, it doesn't work.

(While approaching Jess with a bent straw)
Alex: Come here! Come here! I just want to put this up your nose!

Jessica: My foot itches.
Alex: Welcome to my world.
Jessica: Why? Your foot itches?
Alex: Constantly.
Jessica: It does?
Alex: Well...not right now.
Jessica: That makes no sense.
Alex: It doesn't in a logical sense, but in a physiological sense...

(After Pearl points out a ton of ducks in the Niagara River)
Curtis: Whoa, that's a shit load of things that flock

Jessica: I had a nightmare.
Alex: :(
Jessica: I was preparing Bruce Willis for his funeral and he came back to life. And that's creepy no matter how much he obviously wasn't dead in the first place.
Alex: I guess he didn't die hard enough.

Alex: Oh my god I love that house!
Alex: Wait nevermind, I just saw a for sale sign and got excited.

(While discussing car license plate sticker renewals and hydro bills)
Curtis: when you get notified just treat it as a bill you gotta pay
Curtis: nevermind the deadline that's so far away
Curtis: and if even your hydro bill is that high, im dreading getting mine
Alex: wlol easy there poet
Curtis: wlol didn't even notice

Miklos: that guy [down the street] has a hook for a hand
Nikki: do you think he's crazy?
Miklos: he's got a hook for a hand! He could've chosen something that looks like a hand... but he chose a hook!

Miklos: the dogs smell like bugles