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#571 5/31/15
(Upon Curtis pointing out roadkill guts on the side of a highway)
Pearl: Guts! Glory. Ram.
#570 5/27/15
[Nikki presses car's 'Media' button which begins playing music from Miklos's iPhone]
Nikki: Oh, sweet. You have the new U2 album on your phone!
Miklos: Yeah, it's great. And it was free.
Nikki: Wow, lucky. When'd you get that?
Miklos: Haha... ... ...is this a real conversation?
Nikki: No.
#569 5/26/15
[Miklos pushes the call button on the steering wheel to call for chinese food]
Miklos: Call Lily's coo-zine ...Cuisine! Ugh, I don't think I even have it in my contacts. Ugh! Stop listening!!!
#568 5/12/15
Nikki: Found some pants on old navy's website which are referred to as "pull-on pants". Considering buying some since I am always wasting an hour in the morning sewing pieces of fabric around my legs.
#565 4/22/15
Nikki: Hal Johnson's probably in a home by now
Miklos: "Augh! My body's breakin'."
#564 4/16/15
Nikki: why do I see "1 comment" on your post and then when I open it nothing is there?
Miklos: that was my comment but it got deleted.
Nikki: it ... got deleted?
Miklos: I deleted it.
Nikki: wow the mods were all over that comment of yours
#563 3/24/15
[After referencing a car on the side of the 406]
Pearl: I wonder if the owls are there
Curtis: In the car?
Pearl: By the hospital
[The hospital then appears beside the highway]
Curtis: Ahhh right (switches to left lane to pass a car)
Pearl: Are you gonna make the exit?
Curtis: What exit?
Pearl: Fourth Ave - to get to the hospital
Curtis: Ohhh you actually want to go there
Pearl: *facepalm*
#562 3/09/15
Miklos: Wtf... fireworks. On Victory Ave.
Nikki: Is it welfare day?
#561 3/01/15
Nikki: What do you think of this for a business name: Fucking Cute Nursery Items
#560 2/05/15
[While talking about the Saved By The Bell reunion on The Tonight Show]
Alex: Of course they couldn't get Screech in there because he's in jail
Alex: Oh wait, apparently he's bailed out
Curtis: Saved by the bail
#559 1/31/15
Nikki: I looked it up and she's my first cousin once removed
Miklos: Once removed? Those words don't make sense to me.
Nikki: Have you ever heard the phrase "twice removed"?
Miklos: No. [pauses] I've heard of "re-fried", like re-fried beans?
#558 1/31/15
miklos: what's that front bathroom called [like in rich houses]
nikki: the powder room?
#557 1/25/15
Miklos: Hey, what's the Artist Formerly Known as Prince... currently known as?
Nikki: Prince.
Miklos: What the... How?
#556 1/23/15
Curtis: I have Taylor Swift looping in my head again
Alex: Just shake it off
#555 1/21/15
[Nikki stands up, awakening a napping Miklos on the couch]
Miklos: What the hell are you doing?
Nikki: What are you talking about?
Miklos: Oh. [bored voice] I thought you were floating in the air for a minute.
Nikki: ...that's going on Facebook.
Miklos: What did you say? I thought you were floating. Like a stick.
[Nikki looks at Miklos, confused]
Miklos: Stephen Harper...
[Falls back asleep]
#554 1/20/15
Nikki: Today I thought to myself, "Man I wish I really was the master of net revenues."
#553 1/18/15
Pearl: I like the timing of my birthday because it means spring is around the corner
Pearl: Spring is my second favourite, next to fall
Curtis: Yeah, same here
Pearl: Yeah I like when things bloom, but I like it better when they die
#552 12/31/14
Nikki: if the boy gets up and won't settle in the middle of the night, I would go in and try to settle him but he thinks I am the milk man.
Miklos: Not a problem, I am Milkless
Nikki: how appropriate...
#551 12/24/14
[loud car drives down the street]
Nikki: who is this fuckhead on Christmas Eve...
Miklos: ...that's driving a kazoo?
#550 12/16/14
[watching an Excel gum commercial]
Nikki: I love how they think donut breath is bad breath. If you had donut breath I'd be happy to kiss you. You know? How is that bad?
#549 12/12/14
Pearl: So I was thinking...wait no I wasn't
#548 11/15/14
[channel surfing and stumbling upon the music video Sam Smith - I'm Not The Only One]
Miklos: ugh this guy is white?
Nikki: I know eh? He sounds like a sweet black man.
Nikki: now I don't like him hehe
#547 11/14/14
Nikki: If I ever had a liverwurst business it'd be called De Livery. Our slogan would be "Our Wurst is The Best."
#546 11/04/14
Brian: Well, I might as well make use of my steel toes and shitty clothes (As he walks towards the bathroom)
#545 10/31/14
Nikki: [taking fake vampire teeth out of her mouth] how do people with dentures do this shit?
Miklos: I think they have properly fitted ones
Nikki: ah, not dollar store ones?
#544 10/21/14
Miklos: Remember Electric Circus?
[Nikki and Miklos simultaneously] What the fuck was the point of that?!
#543 10/14/14
[Reading a receipt that is almost completely faded]
Nikki: When is this even from? 0...1...?
Miklos: January 30, 2012?
Nikki: 2011. Christmas the 23rd. Wait. December.
#542 10/14/14
Alex: I quit
Alex: i can't get a proper seating / monitor optimal viewing angle ratio.
Alex: so i can't work here.. work conditions aren't optimal
Alex: how awesome would it be if i quit literally because of that reason?
Curtis: haha especially if someone would have been willing to adjust things to be optimal but you already quit first
Alex: in that case i can literally say "i sit corrected"
Curtis: (changes subject with a funny subject line from a spam e-mail)
Alex: i hope that didn't make you overlook what i just wrote
Alex: cuz i'd like to think it was genius
Alex: so it needs to be acknowledged
Curtis: i didn't overlook it
Alex: sure looks that way.
Curtis: im sorry
Curtis: fine: yep!
Alex: oh. no humour reaction?
Alex: hmmm.
Alex: there's gotta be something!
Curtis: don't make this worse by dragging on the disappointment
Alex: :(
Alex: not even a sympathy "haha"?
Curtis: you'd allow such a context use?
Alex: well its not an OL reaction but you're acknowledging that there is a humour level.. so i'd allow it.
Alex: because that's what the ha lengths are for
Alex: and i think haha should be the shortest.. "ha" is just sarcastic
Alex: so at the very least that comment should warrant a "haha"
Curtis: but haha is like the shortest form of reaction to humour, not acknowledgement of the intended purpose
Alex: i'm just having a hard time believing it doesn't even deserve a "haha" at the very least.
Alex: because if someone fixes the seat, or optimal viewing angle i'd literally be sitting corrected.
Curtis: yeah, i get the joke
Curtis: and applaud your effort
Curtis: perhaps i feel like it's more clever than funny?
Alex: oh
Alex: then voice that!
Curtis: it was implied in my exclamation mark
Alex: oh
Alex: in that case: thanks!
Curtis: anytime :)
#541 10/06/14
Brian: I'm not a big history buff so I don't know much beyond the basics of what I know
#540 10/01/14
Lucas: LMFAO just got off the stage. My camera gear is covered in champagne showers!
Miklos: that's nothing to laugh about
#539 9/30/14
Nikki: I told [6-month-old] Johnny don't ever get dogs. They're nice but a lot of work. He said "bbbbblllloooooon" so I said yes balloon dogs might be easier
#538 9/27/14
[While waving to the car in front of her]
Pearl: Bye!!!
Pearl: They took so long to turn that I felt like I got to know them.
#537 9/13/14
[Reading Mansion House sign]
Nikki: Ooh, "The Captain is coming"!
Miklos: What about Tennille?
Nikki: I don't know what that is.
Miklos: What? Captain and Tennille. Am I that old?
Nikki: Well, it finally happened. You referenced something that's too old for me to understand.
#536 9/11/14
Curtis: So my landlord decided that I needed a new fridge, so I just got an upgraded one tonight with a lot more space.
Pearl: Oh nice, so when do you move?
Curtis: ....what?
Pearl: Wait, what?
#535 9/06/14
Miklos: What year is this movie from? 1997? That's... 25 years!
Nikki: No it isn't. Not by any kind of math, anyway.
#534 9/03/14
[pointing at a mole on her jawline]
Nikki: Has this always been there?
Miklos: I've never seen it.
Nikki: Really? It just showed up? Is it cancer?
Miklos: It's not cancer. It's been there forever.
#533 8/28/14
[While Alex and Miklos are talking to each other, Curtis thinks he hears his name which didn't actually happen]
Curtis: Hmm? What are you talking about?
[They fill him in on the subject]
Curtis: Ah, so how am I involved in this?
Miklos: ......you interjected yourself into the conversation
#532 8/26/14
Nikki: [talking to the TV] Your credit card didn't go through because you spend too much money...
Miklos: [looking at phone] No, it's because I couldn't remember my PIN because I haven't used it in so long.
Nikki: Not you, the girl on TV.
Miklos: [still not paying attention] Ohh, me.
Nikki: NO, NOT you. The girl on TV!
#531 8/26/14
Pearl: There's two birds hanging out on that tree.
Alex: Where's the one stone?
#530 8/19/14
Miklos: How many people googled Rod Iron and then clicked images and then swore never to tell anyone? Come on now, be honest.
#529 8/05/14
[Miklos making breakfast in the kitchen, Nikki feeding Johnny in the living room]
Nikki: Is pee ok, spider?
Miklos: What??
Nikki: Is pee ok, spider? In your native language.
Miklos: Oh! P-o-k! Yeah that's spider... I would've never guessed what the hell you were talking about if you didn't say "native language".
#528 8/04/14
Nikki: There's something called No-Nails. It's good for wiggly bannisters and stuff.
Miklos: Is it like a tape?
Nikki: No, it's like a caulk ...
[Realizes what that sounded like]
Both: ........
#527 8/04/14
Nikki: Did you know an aneurysm can just happen at any time? We could be talking right now and one of us could have an aneurysm and end up dead.
[Miklos, sipping from a glass, dribbles milk onto his shirt]
Nikki: Whoops...
Miklos: Looks like I'm well on my way.
Nikki: That was more of a stroke.
#526 7/31/14
[Jessica puts her arm around Alex, just after he rolled over in his sleep]
Alex: [complaining] Mm Mm
Jessica: What?
Alex: Mm Mm
Jessica: What's wrong?
Alex: You asked me if I ever jousted.
Jessica: Haha. Are you on drugs?
Alex: I guess you didn't.
#525 7/22/14
Alex: Is today Wednesday or Thursday?
Jessica: It's Tuesday..
Alex: So, it's neither?
#524 7/13/14
Pearl: Look!! (points to bird on overhead wire)
Curtis: What is it?
Pearl: It's a HAWWWK!
Curtis: Ahhh (continues driving passed it)
Pearl: ............
Pearl: ............
Pearl: ............why aren't we turning around?
Curtis: Oh. Will it still be there?
Pearl: Well it won't be if we keep driving away from it.
#523 7/10/14
miklos: [on dating a nerd] Once you go slacks, you never go back.
#522 7/04/14
Nikki: Why do guys scratch their balls and then sniff their hands?
Miklos: I don't know? That's how monkeys do it.
Nikki: Like what are you gonna do based on the smells? "Ok.. I gotta now go make lunch..." or "This tells me that 2 days ago I had cabbage."
#521 7/03/14
Alex: I got injured today.
Alex: I got hit in the head. You know, with that elastic rope thing you use to tie things down on the truck.
Jessica: Bungee cord.
Alex: *laughs* Yeah that one.
Alex: Maybe me getting hit in the head messed up my vision.
#520 6/29/14
Marnie: Rexall is weird
Curtis: Weird how?
Marnie: I dunno. It's not Shoppers